


Grow as we Go

by Err_REDACTED, SomethingOfFandoms



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Chapter 3, Character Death, Child Abuse, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Domestic Violence, Emotional Manipulation, M/M, Multi, Music, Ok the cross post on Wattpad only went to like, Panic Attacks, Rape, Recovery, Self-Harm, Stockholm Syndrome, Suicidal Thoughts, Thank God For Rhodey, and rhodey's mom she's here too, i know its a lot of bad tags but this is mostly a recovery fic, its not very clear so here's your tag for it, no main characters tho, please tell us, so if you see any that should be there and aren't, these tags are a work in progress, this is a song fic, we'll add them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:42:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28398657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Err_REDACTED/pseuds/Err_REDACTED, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomethingOfFandoms/pseuds/SomethingOfFandoms
Summary: Rhodey slams his hand on the desk and turns to Tony to rant about how good of a friend he is.Tony’s hands are crossed in front of his face, shoulders hunched in as if he’s expecting a blow. Behind his fists, Rhodey can make out his eyes squeezed shut, newly formed tears threatening to leak out.//////////////////////Tony's journey from an abusive household and no hope to a best friend and two boyfriends who take care of him when he's down
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 67
Kudos: 168





	1. Prologues can be Painful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Jules and Mikah here. We can't tell you how long ago we started this fic- we actually shifted fandoms like 4 times since starting- but it's been fun trying to do a long term project like this. As of now, it's not finished, but we wanted to start posting anyway. Comments and Kudos are always appreciated, so enjoy!

“Don’t you dare turn away from me!” Howard spat, grabbing the boy's arm roughly. The boy yelped in pain, facing Howard again. “You know what your future is. This is for your own good.” 

_ As a child, you would wait and watch from far away  _

“You are not allowed to converse with other children. You are above them. Starks are made of iron, boy.” Another slap to the face. 

_ But you always knew that you’d be the one to work while they all play  _

“This is subpar, boy. I made a circuit board ten times better a year before you even thought of it. I suppose that we have to show this, but not before you learn your lesson.” A punch to the stomach, where reporters couldn’t see. 

_ In youth, you’d lay awake at night and scheme of all the things that you would change  _

“A dog? A DOG? This is a weapons company boy, made for killing people. A robotic dog has no place in the company, and it pains me to think that you might be a part of Stark Industries too.” 

_ But it was just a dream  _

“Leave.” Fighting back tears, Tony ran off. Staring out his window, he began to sing through sobs. 

_ “I close my eyes and I can see a world that’s waiting up for me that I call my own.”  _

A glass shatters in the distance, and a woman’s muffled screams drift through the halls. 

_ “Through the dark, through the door. Through where no one’s been before, but it feels like home.”  _

Tony lifts the fake bottom of his dresser drawers to find a single string of broken Christmas lights. He hums the next verse as he quickly fashions a battery pack to the Christmas lights, so he doesn’t need to plug them in. He turns them on and places them haphazardly on the bed. 

_ “We can live in a world that we design.”  _

With thoughts swirling through his head, the rest of the world fell away. 

_ “Cause every night I lie in bed; the brightest colors fill my head! A million dreams are keeping me awake! I think of what the world could be, a vision of the one I see! A million dreams is all it’s gonna take! A million dreams for the world we’re gonna make.”  _

With that, Tony falls asleep, Christmas lights softly illuminating the designs scattered among his blankets. 

"Young Master! You must wake up! Howard is coming! You must get ready” 

In a panic, they both shove the blueprints and lights under the bed. There wasn’t enough time to get out the fake bottom. Tony gets dressed properly in record time, with Howard entering the room with a bang as Tony faces the door. 

“Acceptable. Come.” 

Tony takes a breath to steady himself as they head to the press conference under a thick silence. 

The cameras flash, blinding Tony as Howard begins to speak. There was fake warmth in his voice as he faced Tony. 

_ “The time will come when you’ll have to rise above the rest and prove yourself. Your spirit never dies.”  _

Tony speaks up, the scripted words falling off his tongue with ease. 

_ “I've gone to take my throne above but don't weep for me ‘cause this will be the labor of my love.”  _

Howard’s face momentarily turns stony before the camera takes pictures of his smiling face. They leave quickly and Howard shoves Tony to the floor of the car. Jarvis’ worried face quickly flashes from the driver’s seat before Howard starts tearing into Tony. 

“I have not raised you to be lazy with your words, boy. You know what you said, and I will not accept it. When we get back to my house, you are to take your shirt off and face the corner waiting for me. Grab my favorite belt as well boy. You will be getting the buckle tonight.” 

The car slows slightly at Howard's word, prolonging the inevitable. Tony can see Jarvis desperately thinking of ways to get Tony out of his punishment. As soon as the car slows enough for Tony to get out safely, he is running to the house, tearing off his nice shirt.  He braces his hands against the two walls surrounding him, facing the corner.

Anticipation builds in Tony as he counts the second for Howard to get in the room. At 9 minutes and 38 seconds, Howard finally stumbles with a glass in his hand and grunted as he set it down with a thud. 

“What the fuck were you thinking, boy?” 

_ Here we are, don’t turn away now  _

With little preamble, Howard took the belt and raised it before swinging his arm down. The edge of the buckle carved into his back and pain bloomed in his mind. He could feel the trickle of something wet dripping down his back. 

_ We are the warriors that built this town  _

***CRACK***

Three more blows landed on his back. The cuts were burning, and it was all Tony could do not to flinch. A small whimper found its way out of his throat. 

_ Here we are, don’t turn away now. We are the warriors that built this town from dust.  _

There was pain, pain, pain. The sharp sting of the cuts, the hot burn of the irritation, and an ache in his mouth from biting his cheeks in an effort to stay stoic. Tony didn’t know how long Howard kept whipping him and he didn’t care. He just wanted it to stop. And it did. 

Tony allowed himself to relax a little as Howard drank from his glass. Tony was about to sneak a glance and see if Howard was gone when Howard hurled the empty glass directly onto Tony’s shirtless form. The glass shattered on contact and Tony couldn’t hold back his scream as shards dug into his back and the alcohol splashed over his open cuts. 

Tony’s knees threatened to give out, and his hands desperately clutched the walls to keep him up-right. The tears Tony had been keeping at bay spilled over, but Howard was none the wiser as he stumbled out of the room. The door closed with a thud. 

Tony slid to the floor, no longer needing to keep up appearances. Bloody glass dug into his knees and elbows and he tried to breathe through the pain. 

The pain seemed to surround him. The dull throbbing in his chest from weeks ago seemed no longer important. Through his silent sobs, apprehensive footsteps could be heard nearing the room. 

  
  


Tony could make out a gasp of surprise over his own heavy breaths. Familiar shoes came into Tony’s eyesight as warm hands gently moved him to lay down onto his stomach. Soon enough, a pair of metal tweezers began slowly pulling the glass out of his back. It pulled at his skin, making more blood well up and drip slowly down his back. 

“Are you okay, Young Sir?” 

Tony kept breathing a little bit before letting out a faint laugh. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” 

They both knew that he hadn’t been fine for a long time. 

As he tended to Tony’s wounds, Jarvis began to sing. 

_ “There’s a house we can build. Every room inside is filled with things from far away. Special things I compile, each one there to make you smile on a rainy day.”  _

_ They can say, they can say it all sounds crazy. They can say, they can say we’ve lost our minds. I don’t care, I don’t care if they call us crazy. We can live in a world that we design. ‘Cause every night I lie in bed, the brightest colors fill my head. A million dreams are keeping me awake. I think of what the world could be, a vision of the one I see, a million dreams is all it’s gonna take.  _

_ “A million dreams for the world we’re gonna make.”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mikah: I figured you all should know. This fic was previously titled 'oof'. "Hey, you gonna work on oof today?" "We're totally gonna write some more oof this weekend, right?" 
> 
> Jules: It's pretty descriptive of the story. 
> 
> Songs used in this chapter-  
> Warriors/Imagine Dragons: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3W5ngVTtRE  
> A Million Dreams/The Greatest Showman: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rxgAh1bnHU


	2. New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This new school is just another place full of people to be wary of, but it also could be the beginning of a genuine friendship

Tony sighed as the sounds of Jarvis’ footsteps faded away. The butler had managed to sneak Tony some movies hidden in the blueprints Howard had wanted him to finish. He wasn’t allowed to watch movies. It was “too childish” and Tony “didn’t need the distraction.” 

Tony knew that he hadn’t had a normal childhood, as for the first 14 years of his life he was taught how to be a businessman rather than normal math at a school. Tony knew he was at the college level for core subjects, but he never focused too much on the fact, as he knew he wouldn’t be able to physically go to a school, and that his father would most likely pay for him to go to a respectable college like Harvard. 

Tony shook out his thoughts, glancing at the titles. ‘The Little Mermaid’, ‘Iron Man’, and ‘The Greatest Showman’. Tony stuck the mermaid one in the computer. It seemed to have the happiest cover. As the opening music began to play, he turned towards the blueprints that had come with. Glancing at what it was supposed to be- a gun for the military- he got to work on improving it. 

About 15 minutes later, Tony looked up as Ariel began to sing. 

_ “Look at this stuff, isn’t it neat? Wouldn’t you think my collection’s complete? Wouldn’t you think I’m the girl, the girl who has everything?”  _

He looked back at his blueprints but kept listening as the mermaid sang. 

_ “Look at this trove, treasures untold. How many wonders can one cavern hold? Lookin’ around here you’d think sure, she’s got everything.”  _

Checking his math, Tony turned all his attention to the computer. 

_ “I've got gadgets and gizmos aplenty. I've got whozits and whatzits galore. You want thingamabobs? I got twenty. But who cares? No big deal. I want more.”  _

Tony immediately thought of his own life, those lyrics hitting a little too close to home to be comfortable. He could have everything. Except for the things that really mattered. Taking a deep breath, he ignored the ache in his chest. It was just an animated movie. 

_ “I wanna be where the people are. I wanna see- wanna see ‘em dancing. Walking around on those- what do you call ‘em? Oh, feet.”  _

Feeling very unsettled, Tony pulled out the next blueprint and ignored the next few lyrics. When he tuned back in, Ariel was still singing. 

_ “Up where they walk, up where they run. Up where they stay all day in the sun! Wanderin’ free. Wish I could be part of that world.”  _

Tony stiffened before quickly ejecting the disk and jamming it back in the case. He shoved all three movies towards the door  where Jarvis was sure to get them. Howard was right, movies are just distractions for little kids. He was accomplishing nothing but working himself up over nothing. 

A few hours later, a soft knock on the door pulled him out of the engineering haze. 

“Young Sir? Master Stark requires you in the family room.” 

Ignoring the sudden knots in his stomach, Tony stood and opened the door. Jarvis gave him a small smile before walking with him to the family room. 

Howard’s imposing figure stood by the fireplace, setting down the ever-present whiskey glass  on the mantel . 

“Get your stuff packed boy. You leave tomorrow.” 

Tony hesitantly asked. “Leave where?” 

Shooting Tony an annoyed look, Howard responded. “You’re going to a boarding school. If I'm lucky, you’ll be there for college as well. I’m tired of having you around my house.” 

“Boarding school?! But Dad-” Howard shot Tony a sharp look. Tony gulped before amending his sentence. 

“Sir! I can’t go to a boarding school!” 

‘I can’t leave Jarvis.’ He thought desperately. 

“You can and you will. Go pack.” 

Backing into the hallway, Tony spared one desperate look at Jarvis before running to his room. He knew better than to disobey a direct order. 

The next day, Tony was shuffling into the car when Howard caught his arm in a bruising grip. Wincing Tony turned to face him. Howard tightened his hand before growling at Tony. 

“I don’t want to hear a single thing from you all year. Nothing less than an A, no skipping class, I don’t even want to hear if you get in the hospital. Understand?” 

Tony almost whimpered before quickly nodding his head. Seemingly satisfied, Howard released his arm before storming back inside. 

When the car was off the Stark property, Jarvis spoke up. 

“Are ok Young Master?” 

Tony took a deep breath before he spoke, not really believing the words. “Of course.” 

Half an hour later, the car slowed down as Tony faced some boarding school in Brooklyn. He didn’t care. It didn’t matter. 

‘Stark men are made of iron.’ He told himself, sparing a glance at the name of where he would spend the rest of his school years. 

Steeling himself, Tony got out of the car. 

Jarvis got out as well, with a sad smile. “Antonio. My dear child. You have grown up so much.” Jarvis gently frames the young man's face and looking into his eyes with so much love. 

“I’m not leaving forever J. And I’ll be back soon enough. I just need to get past two years here and I’ll be back for you, Anna, and Aunt Peggy.” 

“That's the thing, dear child, I wish you would never have to return to him. I’m so happy for you to leave his direct hand. I know that you still can’t make your own decisions yet, but you will have so much more freedom here. It scares me a bit because Howard hasn’t prepared you for the outside world.” 

Tony tears his eyes from his butler's face. “Howard taught me how to deal with people that want me for my money.” 

“But in doing that he never taught you how to react when people care for you. So, I will tell you as much as I can right now.” 

“Jarvis, I can handle myself.” 

“I know you can Antonio, but you don’t need to. Make friends with your roommate, they can be the road to you having joy here. Eat well and eat in general. Nothing is more important than your health Antonio. Let people you trust in, but don’t trust everyone. Open your heart, Antonio. You have such a big heart, and you should share it when you can.” 

Tears were openly falling from the man's eyes, but there was a smile on his face. 

“I know that your birthday is in May, but Peggy made these with Anna as an apology.” 

Jarvis grabs a plate with foil on it from the seat, showing Tony. ‘Happy 15th!’ was written on it in a red marker. Tony took the plate slowly. 

“What does Aunt Peggy have to apologize for.” 

“Peggy told Howard about the school that her other God Son went to, and how she hadn’t seen him in what felt like years.” Jarvis sounds apologetic, and Tony understands why. 

“You mean Steve Rogers? The kid that Howard always says I should be more like?” 

“Don’t blame Peggy, dear child, she always tries her best.” Jarvis pleads to a stony face. 

“I’m not blaming her at all.” 

“Thank you. Now, you must be on your way. Remember to smile dear child.” 

He looked helplessly around the new, huge campus, then back to his butler. He allowed himself a smile at his father figure before he turned around. One look at the looming building had his heart pounding and his legs shaking. He spared a glance at the car turning onto the road and walked inside. 

‘Bye Jarvis.’ 

He enters and steps into a big open area with couches that people are lounging on and luggage in the corners. Staff is congregated in one corner, and a woman breaks from the group towards Tony. The woman is wearing a fake smile, but it isn’t obvious. Tony starts putting on his “I’m Tony Fucking Stark” face, to interact with fake people. 

“Hello, Mr. Stark. My name is Maria Hill and I am the Welcome Wagon for you today, however, I am also the Vice-Principal here and I have other duties elsewhere. We have a few options, I could ask a teacher to be your welcome wagon, or you could wait here in the commons for about an hour while I work on this urgent issue. What would you prefer.” 

Tony winked and said, “Whatever is better for me.” 

Maria glared but composed herself. 

“Mr. Coulson!” She said, still fake smiling at Tony. 

A man seemed to materialize beside the two of them, and Tony immediately liked him better. He looked tired, and his tie was almost undone from a day's work. He wasn’t fake. 

“Yes, Vice Principal?” The man said in a joking tone, nodding to Tony in acknowledgment as well. 

“You don’t need to call me by my title Mr. Coulson.” 

“I will stop as soon as you call me Phil. What do you need me for, Vice Principal?” 

Maria turned to Tony, her face immediately tightening. 

“This is Anthony Stark. He is new with us this year, and I was assigned to be the Welcome Wagon by his father. Would you mind taking over for me, as I have other duties to attend to?” 

“Of course! Don’t keep Fury waiting.” 

Maria’s heels signify her departure, and Phil seems lost in thought for a bit. Just as it gets awkward, Phil jumps and holds out his hand. 

“Mr. Stark! I’m Phil Coulson and the director for your dorm building and all high schoolers. If you would tell me what floor you’re on, we could find your room and roommate a lot easier.” Phil smiles, and it seems genuine, so Tony gives a genuine answer. 

“I wasn’t told where I was staying. I found out about coming here last night.” 

Phil’s face turned stony, and then a bit gray. 

“Well, then what grade are you in? I separate the high schooler’s floor by grade level, with freshman being on the fourth floor.” 

Tony tilts his head a bit and squints. 

“I don’t know? I’m fifteen, but my tutors have me taking college courses in business.” 

Phil visibly tenses and Tony subconsciously takes a step back. If Phil notices, he doesn’t say anything. 

“I hope none of this was Peggy’s idea because I really don’t want to have to confront her on her choices. She's a great friend now but she won't like me telling her what to do.” 

Tony relaxes immediately upon hearing about his friendship with his godmother. 

“No, it was my dad's doing. Please don’t confront her- you will die.” 

Phil lets out a small laugh, not one that’s pleasing to hear, so it can't be fake. 

“Well, let's go through each floor and try to find your name. I'm afraid it will be quicker than looking you up as we would need to go across campus for that.” 

Phil leads Tony through a side door that opens to three buildings, the first with 5 floors, the second with 3, and the final with 4. They head towards the last dorm building and start looking at labels on doors. 

As they walk around, Phil explains that this floor belongs to seniors, along with pointing out certain students. Steve Rogers is Peggy’s other godchild, and he had the highest grades last year. Thor Odinson and Natasha Romanoff are exchange students from Norway and Russia respectively. 

They finish the bottom floor and head to where the juniors are located. This time Phil points out Virginia Potts who is this year's Head Of Committee and won an international martial arts competition, second only to Natasha. 

Phil leads him to a door with his name on it. 

“This is where I leave you. If you need anything or there is an emergency, there’s a big red button you can get to call security at a moment’s notice. Orientation for classes and electives is tomorrow at 7 in the great hall I met you in!” 

Tony opened the door to two small beds on either side of the walls, a large desk with two chairs, and a small window. It was locked. Walking over to the bed furthest from the door, he set his stuff down and spun in a lazy circle, taking in the room. 

He jumped as he heard the door open. A black man in a brown leather jacket walked in, lugging a large suitcase behind him. 

“Hi! You must be my roommate. James Rhodes.” 

The man held his hand out. Remembering what Jarvis had said, Tony reached out tentatively. 

“Tony.” 

“It’s nice to meet you. I’d stick around but I’ve gotta run.” 

With this, the man -James- turned out the door, yelling “I’ll talk to you later,” over his shoulder. 

Tony sighed and sat on his bed. He hoped James would be a good roommate. Maybe he’d feel better here than at home. Laying down gingerly and staring up at the ceiling, he absentmindedly began to sing. 

_ “I’m a good pretender. Won’t you come see my show? I got lots of problems. Well good thing nobody knows. Oh, I’m insecure- I'm insecure, I think I like what I’m s’posed to- like what I’m s’posed to! I don’t even mess with drugs, I do that ‘cause you say it’s dope to- you say it’s dope to!”  _

He hoped someone would see through his mask. See-through the part of him that's pretending everything’s ok and picking the choices others will be happy with. 

_ “I’m a good pretender, I’m not really cool. I’m a good pretender, ‘cause I’m just like you. I do not belong here; you all clearly do. I’m a good pretender, so I’m just like you.”  _

Skipping some of the verses, Tony curled up on his side and finished the song. 

_ “Now I’m just like you, do you like me too? Now I’m just like you. I’m a good pretender.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We don't have a lot of backed up chapter notes, our next one is actually for chapter 5. Uh, comments are always appreciated and we hope you enjoy
> 
> Songs used in this chapter  
> Part of that World/Disney's Ariel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXKIJuO07eM  
> Pretender/AJR: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXwjm2uSCig


	3. Silver Lining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhodey and Tony get closer and discover new things about each other. Tony actually has a nice Christmas for once

Later that day, James came back and the two talked as they worked on putting away all their stuff. 

“Sorry about that, Tony. My friend Steve wanted to talk about a member of his family that was coming here. Said it was a Stark. Can’t believe that this small school could host someone that important. Anyways, as I said before, I’m James Rhodes. Nice to meet you properly.” 

“I can’t just call you James. No. Do you have a nickname or something?” 

“My friends call me Rhodes when they’re mad at me?” 

“Hmm.” 

After a few awkward minutes of silence, Tony’s triumphant cry startled James. 

“Rhodey!” 

“What?” 

“That’s what I’m calling you. Rhodey.” 

Over the next few weeks, Rhodey and ‘Tones’, as Rhodey had taken to calling Tony, grew very close. Something about Tony just made Rhodey want to care for him. On the first of December, Rhodey casually asked Tony what he was doing for Christmas. 

“Oh, I’ll probably stay here. S’not like I’ve got anywhere better to be.” 

Rhodey winced. “Not visiting family?” 

Tony hesitated, rubbing his chest. He thought- remembering the spot on his arm that Howard had bruised and thought of the lines on his back that still twinged if he moved wrong before answering with a shake of his head. “No.” 

Weeks passed as the two boys get into the rhythm of school again. Rhodey usually hangs out with his friends after class and gets back to the dorm later than Tony. Rhodey offered to bring Tones along to some of the things they do but understood when Tony said it was too many new people at once. 

The two had seemed to instantly share a bond, one that both boys told home about. Both boys had also written home about when Tony got into a fight with the gym teacher about uniforms with varying feelings all around. 

Even though the two boys seemed great together, they had only known each other for 3 weeks, and there were still secrets kept from each of them. 

Rhodey was just coming back to his shared dorm when he realized he didn’t hear music or talking through the door of the dorm, unlike what was usually heard all through the hallway. Cautiously opening the door, he saw Tony staring at the wall, visibly upset. 

The small room was in a state of disarray on Tony’s side of the room, with a clear line separating Rhodey’s side. It was as if Tony threw all his belongings and tech around the room but made sure Rhodey’s space wasn’t disrupted. 

Tony himself was curled up on the mess, facing away from the door where Rhodey stood. A faint humming was coming from Tony, and Rhodey was about to announce himself and ask what happened when a faint voice drifted through the room. 

_ “I don’t wanna drive a fancy car today. I don’t wanna ride in a red Corvette. I don’t wanna jog my Saturday away, but I don’t wanna go home yet.” _

Tony rubbed the middle of his chest as his voice grew stronger, yet still slightly trembled. Rhodey had noticed Tony rubbing his chest whenever he talked about his home life and wondered if it was important. He didn’t even know Tony’s last name after all. 

Tony his chest as his voice grew stronger, yet still slightly trembled. 

_ “Today is not the day to jump out of a plane. I don’t wanna parasail or play roulette. I don’t wanna risk it all or go insane. But I don't wanna go home yet.” _

The weakness in Tony’s voice vanished and the tenor tones coming from this young boy startled Rhodey. The pain in his voice was clear but determined. It was as if Tony was challenging his hurt, daring it to affect him. 

_ “I just wanna watch the birds go by. From my handy fold-able blue canvas throne. I wanna watch them fly and fly and see them soar up into the unknown. But I'd feel just like a nerd watching birds who are watching me here all alone.”  _

_ “I don’t wanna breakdance or learn tae-kwon-do. I don’t wanna fish till all the fish are gone. I don’t wanna roller skate even if it’s slow. I don’t wanna pass out in a marathon.”  _

_ “I don’t like soccer, baseball, track or field. I’m not up for a match of polo. I don’t wanna seek or try to stay concealed. I’m also not up for...”  _

There was a slight pause as if Tony wasn’t sure of what the next lyrics would be. 

_ “...water polo.” _

Rhodey let up a giggle through his tears. He hadn’t even noticed that he was crying at the despair in Tony’s voice until he inhaled his tears to get a breath. 

Tony shot up in the mess, with a panicked look in his eyes. He looked from Rhodey to the mess, then scrubbed his puffy eyes and put on one of his masks. 

“Tones, its basic English. You can’t rhyme words with themselves. Otherwise words like orange would have a rhyme if only themselves.” 

“Okay, but technically, the scientific name for a part of a fern is a sporange, so orange does have a rhyme. But everyone just seems to forget words like purple and month. Its sad, Honey Buns.” 

Rhodey shot a disappointed and started picking up some books from the floor. 

“I will only help you clean this up if you never call me Honey Buns again. Got it?” 

“Got it. Deal. Please don’t touch the electronics though, I pulled the wiring out and it will most definitely electrocute you if you make contact with the exposed metal.” 

Rhodey’s hand jerked away from a metal claw holding a mini fire extinguisher. 

“Isn’t that a little extreme Tones? You could have just said that it would shock me.” 

“Well when I touched it accidentally my entire left hand seized up, so I think it’s a bit above a shock.” 

“What the shit! When was this? Did you see the nurse? Are you okay now?” 

“Woah mom I’m fine now. No need to be such a mother hen about it.” Tony protested, flexing his left hand to show his roommate that he was healed. 

“Nah my mom is a total mother hen. She would not let this slide so easily.” 

There is a short silence as they make the room look presentable again and Tony softly speaks up. 

“Are you talking about my hand or what you saw.” 

“Both really. I won’t ask as it probably won’t help anything. You already know that you are my best friend and can come to me about anything.” 

Tony takes in a short breath and is strangely silent for once. Rhodey looks up from organizing Tony’s book by the author as he likes it. 

“Tones, you do know that, right?” 

“I know I couldn’t be your best friend. The kids you hang out with at lunch are way better friends than I could ever be.” 

“No way. Steve is way too focused on making sure his own best friend is better. Clint is kind of gross and should shower more often and chew slower. Natasha could kill me if I ask the wrong question. Thor doesn’t understand much of America and thinks he’s a god. And Bruce is way too reserved because he is afraid of lashing out. And Pepper, I love her, she’s been my friend since middle school, but she focuses way too much on school.” 

“They are still all way better than me. I’m a fuck up from a horrible family and have ideas that are way too dangerous. Honestly, I’m surprised that you aren’t ignoring me by now.” 

Rhodey slams his hand on the desk and turns to Tony to rant about how good of a friend he is. 

Tony’s hands are crossed in front of his face, shoulders hunched in as if he’s expecting a blow. Behind his fists, Rhodey can make out his eyes squeezed shut, newly formed tears threatening to leak out. 

“Tones...” Rhodey says softly, reaching out and gently lowering his hand before contact is made. 

“You are my best friend. Nothing you ever do makes me mad or angry at you. I get mad at whoever puts you down and let you believe you weren’t worth anything. I get exasperated when you won’t go the fuck to sleep because you need to take better care of yourself. I get sad when you get so nervous about meeting my friends because I know they would love you just as much as I do.” 

Tony lowers his hands and relaxes his stance.  He runs his hand over his chest again, and then over his face wiping the tears from his eyes. 

“God how can you stand this. I’m so sorry about that, I’m not scared of you. I’m also sorry for being your best friend because you can do so much better.” 

“You idiot. For having an IQ of 176 you have no idea how to act around people. Luckily, I’m here to show you that you aren’t any less than anyone, or any better. You’re so smart and have so many great ideas that I can’t keep up with them.” 

“Well, I don’t want anyone to keep up with me. I want someone to tell me to go the fuck asleep and not mention when I break down after I get through it.” 

“Well, I happen to be a stickler for bedtimes and have a degree in avoidance. Speaking of, how about we get some dinner at Denny’s. It’s only three in the morning so they should still be open.” 

“Oh god, you are a total Tumblr meme.” 

  
  


The next day, Rhodey got back to the dorm at about dinner time, ready to chill and try to introduce Tony to a TV show he would like. With a sigh, he unlocked the door and was about to throw his backpack on the ground when he noticed Tony talking with his headphones on. He obviously hadn’t noticed Rhodey and was on the phone with someone through his earbuds. 

“Sir I-” 

“I told you, Dad-” 

“I apologize sir.” 

“No, it won’t happen again sir.” 

“I respectfully wish to decline sir.” 

“I wish to decline your generous request to make weapons for you because I don’t want to harm anyone, no matter what side they are on.” 

“Of course, sir.” 

“I will send the blueprints for the missile by tomorrow sir.” 

“Sir, may I make a request? I would like to speak to mother and Jarvis.” 

“I’m sorry for asking Father.” 

“I meant sir. I apologize.” 

“Goodbye, sir.” 

Rhodey is stood in the doorway again, having flashbacks to the night weeks ago when he was in the doorway to Tony’s back. The déjà vu only grew when Tony started singing. It was almost like this was some bad fanfiction or musical expressing people through random bursts of song. 

_ “I'm caught up in your expectations. You're trying to make me live your dream. But I'm causing you so much frustration. And you only want the best for me. You wanted me to show more interest. To always keep a big bright smile. But every day I fail to impress. So, I cry once in a while.”  _

Tony brings out a pile of what look to be blueprints and sorts through them until he finds what he is looking for. As he holds it up, Rhodey sees that it’s a blueprint for a missile, like a person on the phone, asked for. 

_ “And this storm is rising inside of me. Don't you feel that our whole worlds collide? It's getting harder to breathe. It hurts deep inside.”  _

Tony’s hands tremble as he clutches his chest as if it did pain him to breathe. His voice is strained as if it’s all he can do to keep singing, and like it’s his only lifeline. Rhodey longs to interrupt and hold his friend close but realizes that Tony probably needs to get it out, and there’s always time for hugs later. 

_ “Just let me be who I am. It's what you really need to understand. I hope so hard for the pain to go away. And it's torturing me, but I can't break free. So, I cry and cry but just won't get it out. “ _

_ “The Silent Scream.”  _

Tony stands up suddenly, and Rhodey is afraid Tony will turn around and see Rhodey standing there, but he just faces the two beds against the wall. He seems to hesitate, then launches himself on Rhodey’s dark blue sheets. 

_ “Tell me why he’s putting pressure on me and every day he causes me harm. That's the reason why I feel so lonely. Even though you hold me in your arms. He wants to put me in a box of glitter but I'm just trying to get right out. And now I’m feeling so so bitter. Because I let you down.”  _

Tony inhales Rhodey’s sheets and then gets up to remake the bed. It’s almost compulsive as he pats down the sheets and fixes the pillow even when nothing is wrong with it. 

_ “Can't you see how I cry for help ‘cause he should love me just for being myself. I'll drown in an ocean of pain and emotion if you don't save me right away.” _

Tony looks at his shaking hands then crumples back onto the made sheets, hugging a pillow. 

_ “Just let me be who I am. It's what you really need to understand. I hope so hard for the pain to go away. And it's torturing me, but I can't break free. So, I cry and cry but just won't get it out.  _

_ The Silent Scream.” _

There’s a loud silence as Tony’s breath evens out from its sobs, and sleep seems to overtake him. 

Rhodey didn’t want to wake Tony, so he just crawled into bed next to him and held him tightly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the happiest it's gonna be for a while. We get one more fluff and then it's all angst for a while
> 
> Songs used in this chapter  
> Birds/Thomas Sanders ft. Terrance Williams Jr.  
> https://youtu.be/SsV1O-xJoW8  
> Silent Scream/Anna Blue  
> https://youtu.be/cIlghWDd7RU


	4. Christmas "Cheer"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony sees what a Christmas is supposed to be like and Rhodey sees something... slightly more traumatizing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final calm before the storm before the storm before the storm
> 
> Yeah. This one has layers

When Tony awoke the next morning, he stiffened, the action causing Rhodey to wake up as well. 

“Oh my god, Rhodey, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean t-” 

Rhodey grumbled as he hugged Tony tighter. “Shdup an g’ t’ sleep.” 

“I-” Tony hesitated before relaxing. This was Rhodey. Rhodey was safe. “Ok.” 

This time, Rhodey was the first to wake up. Carefully slipping out of bed as to not jostle Tony, he picked up his phone and dialed the only number he seems to ever call 

“Mama? I need some help.” 

_ “Of course, my honeybear! What’s going on?”  _

“I need to bring someone home for Christmas. I think he needs a better home right now.  I know it's the beginning of November and we don’t have much time but-” 

_ “Say no more. I’ll prepare the guest room. Or should I put the air mattress in your room?”  _

Rhodey thought back to the night before. He didn’t think he’d ever seen Tony sleep that long uninterrupted. “The air mattress, Mama. Thank you so much.” 

_ “I could never say no to something like this, honeybear. Now what kind of stuff does your friend want for Christmas? What’s his name?”  _

Rhodey sat down at one of the desk chairs before replying. “Tony. Anything technology would work and some funky coffees. He’s a genius and can solve anything, so maybe some puzzles? And chocolate. So much chocolate.” 

_ “Ok honeybear, I’ll see what I can do.”  _

“Thank you, Mama. Love you!” 

_ “Love you too, honeybear!” _

Hanging up, Rhodey swiftly strode over to the bed and gently shook Tony awake.

“Tones. Hey, Tones. Wake up.” 

Tony grumbled and turned over before blearily blinking his eyes open. “Rh’dey? Wh’s goin’ on?” 

Rhodey grinned as he answered. “You’re coming home with me for Christmas.” 

“Yayyy.” Tony snuggled back into the bed before his eyes shot open and he sat up so fast, Rhodey was scrambling to get out of the way. “Wait, what?” 

“You said you weren’t going anywhere for Christmas, and I want you to come with me, so you are.” 

“What? I don’t understand. Why?” 

“Reasons. Now c’ mon, I wanna go get breakfast off campus.” 

Rhodey knew he was playing dirty by starting and finishing the conversation before Tony had ay coffee, but he wanted to make sure this worked. With a small ’ok’ he had Tony out of bed and out the door. 

The next month was a flurry of finals, packing, and anxiety. Tony was anxious that Howard would find out. Rhodey was scared Tony would call quits. They both were afraid of Headmaster Fury. 

It was all too soon that the two of them were standing in a small train station, ready to ride to Long Island for the holidays. 

“Are you sure about this Rhodey?” 

Rhodey turned to face Tony and gave him a hug as he spoke. “Of course, I am Tones. You’re family. You’re like my brother now and my mama is going to love you.” 

‘Now boarding the blue line, going to- Long Island. Please stand clear of the doors.’ 

“Now come on, let’s get on the train.” 

  
  
  
  


“Rhooodeeey.” 

“...” 

“Rhoodeeeeyyy.” 

“...” 

“Rhodey.” 

“What!” 

“I’m bored.” 

“Well that’s hardly my fault is it?” 

“It’s not my fault there isn’t anything to do!” 

Rhodey sighed. “I knew this would happen.” Pulling out a package of something colorful, he chucked it at Tony. “Here” 

Tony looked at the package in confusion. “Pipe cleaners?” 

“Build something.” 

  
  


An hour later, Rhodey looked up from his book and froze as he saw Tony with a perfectly accurate pipe cleaner Millennium Falcon. 

“Tones, in the nicest way possible. What. The shit.” 

“What?” Tony asked, looking up from where he was fiddling with a rudder. 

“What the- how!” 

Tony tapped his head and smirked before saying, “Certified genius Rhodey bear.” 

Rhodey sighed before changing the subject. “We should be there soon so let's start packing up.” 

As if on cue, the train began to screech as it slowed down. Looking out the window, the two boys saw the station come into view. 

‘Please step out of the way of the doors and watch your step.’ 

As the two stepped out of the train, their attention was immediately caught by a large, homey looking woman with her black hair pulled back in a bun. 

“Honeybear!” 

Tony smirked up at Rhodey at the nickname. “Honeybear?” 

“Shut up,” Rhodey said, ducking his head but allowed himself to be pulled into a smothering hug all the same. 

“And you must be Tony! It’s so lovely to meet the boy my honeybear talks so much about!” 

Tony shot a sharp glance at Rhodey before squeaking in surprise as he too was enveloped in a hug. 

“It’s nice to meet you too, Mrs. Rhodes.” 

“Oh, Mama, please, I insist Antonio!” 

Tony stumbled  a bit at the familiar nickname. “Really ? Are you sure?” 

“Well, I’m willing to compromise with Mama Rhodes if that would be more comfortable?” 

“I- ok.” 

Tony warmed up quickly to Rhodey’s family as he was squished into the small rental that was waiting in the parking lot. On the way to Rhodey’s house, he told Tony of the rest of his family. 

“It’s just Mama, my old man, and my little sister, Jeannette. She shouldn’t be in the house much but fair warning, she’s a spaz.” 

Tony just smiled and slumped into Rhodey’s side. With a small oof, Rhodey bumped his head into Tony’s and smiled back. 

When the car finally pulled into the driveway of a quaint little house with a large tree in the front yard, everyone piled out of the car and grabbed their luggage. Walking inside, Tony saw a worn couch and some chairs, as well as a small tv on the right, and a step up on the left, leading into a small kitchen with a wooden table, and a family room with an old piano that looked like it had been in the family for generations. Walking past the kitchen, there was a bathroom and the master bedroom on the left, a right turn, and three more bedrooms. 

Rhodey walked to the bedroom at the end of the hall, and opened it, revealing his room and an air mattress on the floor. 

With a thunk, Rhodey dropped his bag and flopped on the bed.  It made a horrendous creaking noise, that made Tony flinch. It seemed normal though, and Rhodey didn’t care as he shoved his face in a pillow.

“By the way Tones,” came Rhodey’s muffled voice. “If we ever enter the house by the garage door, be careful. The door slams.” 

As if to emphasize the point, a large bang reverberated throughout the house before a high “We’re home!” was heard throughout the house. 

Tony’s eyes widened. Howard would never stand for that at home! Mama Rhodes peeked through the door to see how the boys were doing when she saw the terrified look in Tony’s eyes and the white-knuckled grip on his bags. 

She saw how Rhodey jumped up from the bed immediately to run his hands across the younger before pulling him into a tight hug. It didn’t escape her notice that Tony almost became a dead weight in her honeybear’s arms as soon as they were around the significantly smaller boy. Softly closing the door, she began to sing softly as she started preparing dinner. 

_ “Come, my child, stay with me. I’ll protect you and your dreams. Rest my child, ‘neath the tree. Like its branches, reach for me.”  _

The boys came out of Rhodey’s room and her honeybear introduced Antonio to Jeannette. The chatter warmed her heart as her husband sidled up next to her and started chopping vegetables. She shot her love a meaningful look at Tony and put more food than necessary for 5 people. 

_ “So, let me keep you safe and warm here in my arms. Think of the life that we could live. The joy that it would give. Even if we’re worlds apart, stay in my heart. Someday when you’ve a choice to make, I hope you’ll think of me.”  _

Terrence spoke up a bit, scraping the vegetables off the cutting board. “I’m assuming that's James’ friend. Tony? Seems rather skittish.” 

Mama Rhodes didn’t respond. Didn't have to. She just kept singing, finishing out the song as she placed the soup on a simmer. 

_ “Think of me. Think of me. Maybe we’ll meet again, and you’ll have made many friends. But if you find you’ve strayed, I’ll forgive you anyway. So, stay...”  _

She faded out as she walked into the living room, where the rest of the family had gathered. 

“Dinner should be ready in about an hour. Honeybear, do you and Antonio want to unpack?” 

Rhodey grinned as he stood up, pulling Tony up with him. 

“C’ mon Tones, that’s a good idea.” 

As the two walked into Rhodey’s room again, Rhodey turned around and began to talk (to his newfound brother). 

“So, fair warning, this is the warmest room in the house, and that, mixed with heating and the sheer amount of blankets Mama gave us, will make it very hot in here. No judgments if you need to strip in the middle of the night. I know I will.” 

“Trying to get me undressed Rhodey? I knew there was something else going on!” 

Rhodey shook his head. “Oh, shut up you dork.” 

During dinner, Tony just listened to the conversation. Rhodey called his father ‘old man’! Tony tensed up, waiting for punishment, but none came. Several times over the course of the meal, Rhodey or Jeannette said something that had Tony shrinking back and tensing and when he finally realized none would ever come, he pulled away to think. Why? Why was Rhodey’s family so different? Rhodey had no fear of being hurt over his careless comments! 

Later, after Rhodey fell asleep, Tony was still thinking. Was that normal? Rhodey’s life was so much happier! Taking a breath, he began to sing softly, staring at the ceiling and trying to clear his head. 

Rhodey was about to talk to Tony when he took a breath and began to sing, almost too soft to hear. 

_ “Everyone and everything around me is always changing. Everyone except me, I’m staying the same as if I was nothing. I don’t sing my songs, I bleed them. I don’t write unless I mean them. Without cold, the snow’s just rain. Without my voice, it’s all the same.” _

Tony shifted to rub his chest and a tear casually slipped out of his eye. 

_ “It’s ok we’re just scared. It’s ok we’re just scared.”  _

He trailed off before coming back, just a little stronger. 

_ “I don’t really need to sleep much longer but the longer I sleep, the slower my heartbeats. There's a fire on my floor telling me to sleep some more. Cry a little louder if you know what this means.” _

Rhodey could see Tony wiping his face and let out a watery laugh before singing a little more. 

_ “It’s ok we’re just scared. It’s ok we’re just scared... I forgot about the note I left on my back door. It’s alright, I’ll stay here inside with my friends who aren’t here anymore.”  _

Rhodey quickly shut his eyes as Tony rolled over to face him. 

_ “Actually, you know what- the way things are isn’t good enough. Actually, you know what- the way things are isn’t good enough. We’re alive and we’re here. Listen please, ‘cause we’re scared. We’re alive and we’re here. We will scream ‘til you hear. We’re alive and we’re here. Listen please-”  _

Tony’s body shuddered as he broke down into quiet sobs. Rhodey opened his eyes and made to envelop Tony in the tightest hug he could. 

“Oh, Tones...” 

Tony fisted his hands into Rhodey’s shirt as he cried into the boy’s shoulder. Rhodey could feel his body shaking as Tony cried. 

Once Tony finished crying, Rhodey gently lifted him off the bed. 

“C’ mon Tones, let’s get you cleaned up.” 

Tony trailed after Rhodey as they crept down the dark hall to the bathroom. When they turned the light on, Rhodey could see just how awful Tony looked. Face red and eyes puffy, tears streaks down his face. Rhodey pulled Tony into another hug before getting a washcloth wet to wipe his face. Handing the towel to Tony, he spoke. 

“Here. I’m gonna grab some fresh pajamas.” 

As quickly as he could, Rhodey grabbed  the softest pajamas he owned before warming up some milk to make hot chocolate. While the drinks were heating, Rhodey made his way back into the bathroom. Taking the washcloth from Tony, he finished cleaning the smaller boy’s face before pulling out the PJs. 

Tony hesitated before allowing Rhodey to pull his shirt off. 

Rhodey was pulling Tony’s tear-soaked shirt off when he saw deep, crisscrossed lines on Tony’s back and froze. 

“Tony?” His voice was hard and had an anxious edge to it. “What the shit is this?” 

Tony froze as well before pulling away and slipping one of his masks on. 

“Nothing important.” 

“Like hell this is nothing, Tony! What the hell?!” 

Tony flinched at the hysterical tone growing in Rhodey’s voice. 

Rhodey sighed before grabbing the hem of Tony’s shirt. 

“Look, I won’t make you talk about it right now, but you can’t expect me to let this go.” 

Tony let his mask slip away before leaning back into Rhodey‘s chest. 

“Fine.” 

Rhodey finished pulling Tony’s shirt away and grabbed the new one. 

“Tones, turn around so we can get the new shirt on.” 

Tony stiffened before slowly turning to face Rhodey. Rhodey’s eyes fell to his chest and his eyes widened in horror. There, on Tony’s chest was a large burn scar, too precise to be an accident. In the shape of a circle with a triangle inside, was a fucking brand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs used in this chapter  
> Home/Undertale(Vocal Cover by Adrisaurus)  
> https://youtu.be/HbKrB8F0wY4  
> We're Alive/Cavetown  
> https://youtu.be/JTHws9Kx4CE


	5. Fragile Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony gets something off his chest and Rhodey has a solid conversation with his dad. Then they make pancakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay in getting this up! I totally didn't forget because I'm introducing the other author to RWBY or anything
> 
> (Can we seriously talk about (V8 SPOILERS) the megasized space whale that doubles as a Grimm spawner *and* their literal base?!)

“It's just a reactor!” Tony blurts out in the silence. Rhodey hasn’t taken his eyes off his roommates' chest. 

Tony’s chest has a brand in the middle of it. There’s a circle with an upside-down triangle in it. 

Sharp lines come from the circle, thin, but deep. They look like a jigsaw puzzle and go up toward his collar bones. 

“Tones. Why do you have a widespread hypertrophic burn on your chest?” 

There's a brief pause as Tony looks down at his hands. 

“How did you know?” 

“Jeanette. When she was two, she burned most of her arm on the grill and left lines that look like that. As she grew the burn stretched.” 

“I see.” 

An unpleasant silence filled the bathroom. The drip of the faucet seemed to echo across in the confined area. Thoughts were running rampant, and Tony’s breath quickened at the awkward encounter. 

Rhodey knew that he needed to say something, anything to keep Tony from panicking, but Rhodey wasn’t that far off from a panic attack either. Were Tony’s masks so good that Rhodey couldn’t see the abuse that had occurred? 

Oh god. Tony was abused. This obviously wasn’t self-done as it looked years old. It was red and irritated because it didn’t heal properly, and just the type of burn that it was. 

“I was 10. I didn’t go to the hospital afterward, so my god mom, Peggy looked at it after. She noticed a couple of hours after it happened. She couldn’t heal it correctly. She said it was a hypertrophic burn and would be painful for at least a decade.” 

“Tony, you don’t have to explain,” Rhodey said, putting his hands up as if he was comforting a child. 

“No!” Tony exclaimed quickly, looking into Rhodey’s eyes with determination and tears. “Someone needs to know. I need to be able to trust someone. I know I can trust you, but now I need to show it.” 

“I want to know, but don’t do it because of me,” Rhodey said, knowing the stubborn look on his face. 

“It’s not because of you, but would you do me a favor? Don’t touch me during this. I don’t want to lash out at you.” 

“Whatever you need. We can take this slow. I’m not going anywhere. What happened beforehand?” 

Tony took a deep breath and rubbed at his chest like he usually did when his home was mentioned. He met Rhodey’s eyes and sang out in his tenor voice. 

_ “It was 6:48. I was walking home. Stepped up to the gate and I’m all alone. I had chicken on the plate, but the food was cold. I covered up my face so that no one knows. I didn’t want trouble. I’m the boy in the bubble. But then came trouble.”  _

“What happened after?” 

A small smile appeared on Tony’s face. 

_ “My mom walked into the living room. She said, ‘Boy you gotta tell me what they did to you.’ I said, ‘You don’t know the things I had to do.’ She said ‘Son, you gotta tell me why you’re black and blue.’ I said I didn’t want trouble. I’m the boy in the bubble. But then came trouble.” _

“What about right after?” 

_ “And my heart was pumping, chest was screaming, mind was running, air was freezing. I put my hands up, put my hands up. I told my dad I'm ready for a fight.”  _

“What did you say when he did it?” Rhodey says, trying to get as much information as possible without actually asking about the act itself. 

_ “Punch my face.” _ Tony sings as if he’s quoting himself.  _ “Do it ‘cause I like the pain. Every time you curse my name, I know you want the satisfaction, it’s not going to happen. Knock me out. Kick me when I’m on the ground.”  _

“Go on, Tones.” 

_ “It's only going to let you down. Come the lighting and the thunder, you’re the one who’ll suffer.” _

“Tones. I promise you that no matter what happened I will still be here for you. There are things that you can't get through alone though, and I want you to be able to talk to me, or anyone else.” 

“You can't heal me, Rhodey,” Tony says, turning away and pulling his friend's pajama shirt over his head. 

“No, that’s up to you. I can help though, and there's hot chocolate downstairs that’s calling our name. Let's drink it on the couch and watch tv shows until we fall asleep.” 

“What if someone comes downstairs and catches us though. It won’t look good; I was told to sleep on the air mattress.” 

“Well, you have no responsibilities here. I promise you that everything will be taken care of, and we will try our absolute best to make sure you don’t get hurt. If my parents come down tomorrow, they probably won’t ask anything, and if they do, we can say it was too hot because it'll be both of us backing it up.” 

At that, Tony agreed. They put tiny marshmallows in their drinks and gathered a couple of blankets to cover themselves with. Tony sat down on the couch while Rhodey opened Netflix and started an anime about robotic lions. 

Before the episode was over, Tony was in a better mood, finding loopholes in the assembly of the lions and how it would never look like that. Rhodey was still worried about his best friend, even as the next episode started and Tony’s rambling started to get pushed aside by muffled yawns and stumbling words. 

Rhodey started adding fewer words in conversation with Tony and put Tony’s finished mug on the floor next to his own. Tony started lilting sideways on the small couch until he eventually curled up into Rhodey’s side, eyes barely open to watch the TV. 

When Rhodey turned off the show, Tony barely even seemed to notice, and his entire body seemed to relax. Rhodey looked at Tony’s peaceful face, wondering how a person could go from crying about their father fucking branding them to so blissfully innocent. 

Rhodey could practically feel in his chest the moment that he knew he would always protect this man. This boy. This boy was thrown into this harsh world too quickly. 

“Everything okay in here?” 

Rhodey was startled from his thoughts as the baritone voice floated through the room. 

He looked up at his dad's worried face, and then back at his friend’s face. 

“He... He’s not okay pops.” 

The figure moved from standing in the doorway to sitting on the floor in front of the boys on the couch. 

“Tell me about it, kiddo.” 

There was a brief silence as Rhodey collected his thoughts. He closed his eyes to avoid the sadness in his dad’s eyes when sings out what Tony had told him. 

_ “It was 6:48 he was walking home, with the blood on his face from a broken nose. But like every other day, he was scared to go back to his house ‘cause his pops were home.” _

“His dad? What’s he like?” 

Rhodey lets out a humorless chuckle as he brushed back some hair from Tony’s eyes. 

_ “Drowning his troubles in whiskey bubbles. Just looking for trouble.”  _

“Really? Because I heard that Tony almost got expelled because he started to physically fight the gym teacher because he didn’t want to wear the uniform.” 

_ “Well, there's no excuse for the things he did, but there's a lot at home that he's dealing with because his dad's been drunk since he was a kid. And I hope one day that he'll say to him ‘put down those bubbles and that belt buckle.’ in that broken bubble.”  _

_ “He said to punch his face. Do it ‘cause he likes the pain. Every time we curse his name it just gives him satisfaction and that’s not gonna happen.” _

Terrence James Rhodes, the strongest man that the family knew, blanched at this with a sharp inhale. 

“Would it be better for him if I did a job out of town for a bit? I don’t want him to feel unsafe here.” 

Rhodey took a second to think about it. He felt awful just thinking about telling his dad to go away for Christmas, but Tony’s state of mind was more important. 

“Ultimately, I think that he needs to see what a healthy relationship between father and son would be. If he feels unsafe, I might be able to tell, but for right now, I would just say no yelling or loud noises.” 

His father took a second to assess what Rhodey said and then smiled at his son. 

“I am so proud of you, kiddo. You are keeping a level head throughout this and providing exactly what you feel is best for your friend. Or maybe more than a friend?” 

“Well, of course, he is. He’s my best friend.” 

“That’s not  what I ... okay kiddo. Sleep well. I’ll tell Mama everything and Jeanie to not make loud noises as much as she can help it. Make sure that boy is okay, you hear me?” He says, popping his back while standing up. 

“Of course, old man, what do you take me for, a heathen?” 

The oldest Rhodes chuckled, patting his shoulder. After only a brief moment of hesitation, he also brushed aside some of Tony’s brown locks and pressed a kiss to his forehead as well. 

No one left their rooms until 10 the next day. 

Seeing the two boys cuddled up, the parents of the house tiptoed around the kids to cover them with the blankets again- however, the youngest of the household grabbed her phone to take a picture. 

The flash woke the two boys up, and with a little grumbling, Rhodey tried to roll over before promptly falling off the couch. 

“Oh,” he said, sitting up and rubbing his neck. “Remind me to avoid sleeping on the couch? Ouch.” 

Giggling, Jeannette offered Rhodey a hand to help him up before doing the same for Tony. 

“Hey,” she piped up. “Can we make some pancakes? I want pancakes.” 

Rhodey didn’t think twice before giving Tony’s hand a reassuring squeeze as he answered. “Sure, if we have any mix. Tony, you know how to flip pancakes? Or are you gonna be on mixing duty?” 

Tony offered Rhodey a small but strong smile. “I can flip pancakes. I used to make pancakes with Ana and Peggy all the time when I could!” 

Rhodey pulled a radio out as Jeannette found the pancake mix and turned it on. Tony briefly wrinkled his nose at the old tech and mentally swore to make it better eventually. 

A song quietly filled the air as the three kids made their way around the kitchen. Rhodey set the table and Jeanette made the mix as all three sang quietly along. 

_ “Here’s a little song I wrote, you might wanna sing it note for note. Don’t worry. Be happy.” _

Soon, the stove was fired up and the two older boys stood side by side as pancake mix was poured on the griddle. 

_ “In every life, we have some trouble. But when you worry, you make it double. Don’t worry, be happy. Don’t worry, be happy now.” _

Soon enough, Rhodey’s parents came out of their room and for a few minutes, it felt like a perfect textbook family. 

_ “Ain’t got no place to lay your head. Somebody came and took your bed. Don’t worry. Be happy.” _

As Mama Rhodes and Mr. Rhodes (just call me pops or something) laid a kiss to the tops of everyone's heads, Tony only tensed up for a second before smiling- small and hidden but there, nonetheless. 

_ “The landlord said your rent is late, he may have to litigate. Don’t worry. Be happy.”  _

Everyone sat down for a quiet breakfast and Tony thought on the last time he had ever felt this calm. Staring at the snow drifting outside and listening to Mr. Rhodes- that would take a while- laugh over something Jennie said, he couldn’t think of one. Not like this. 

_ “Ain't got no cash, ain't got no style. Ain't got no gal to make you smile. Don't worry, be happy. 'Cause when you worry your face will frown. And that will bring everybody down. So don't worry, be happy.”  _

And as Christmas drew one day nearer, Tony thought that maybe, just maybe, he could feel like a family. He had Rhodey and he was safe. 

_ “Now there, is this song I wrote. I hope you learned note for note. Like good little children, don't worry, be happy. Now listen to what I said, in your life expect some trouble. When you worry you make it double. But don't worry, be happy, be happy now.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs Used in this chapter  
> Boy in the Bubble/Alec Benjamin  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzKTtoMC-uY  
> Don't Worry Be Happy/Bobby McFerrin (I know it's Bob Marley shut up)  
> https://www.youtube.come/watch?v=d-diB65scQU


	6. Longing Isolation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two boys leave to get back to school. Tony withdraws a bit and finds freedom in some very unhealthy coping mechanisms. Rhodey can tell something is wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the awkward cut here. This chapter would have been too short without it but it would mess with the nice ending of chapter 5. That being said, we are so, so sorry. Don't say we didn't warn you.
> 
> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> TW// SELF-HARM. THIS BECOMES A MAJOR PLOT POINT FROM HERE ON, BUT TO AVOID IT IN THIS CHAPTER, STOP READING AT "Feeling around on the ground, Tony’s hand snagged a jagged edge of glass.". THE MENTIONS WILL CONTINUE UNTIL THE END OF THE CHAPTER. THERE WILL BE A SUMMARY IN THE BOTTOM NOTES  
> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All too soon, the two weeks given for Christmas break were up and Tony found himself enveloped in a hug as he stood on the porch, clinging to his luggage. 

“You better come visit us again Antonio! We’ll miss you!” 

Tony ducked his head and grinned as he responded. “That would be lovely.” 

With one last hug from the entire family, Tony and Rhodey tugged their bags into the car before driving to the station that would take them back to Brooklyn. 

“Hey, Rhodey?” 

“Yeah Tones?” 

“Thank you for this. That might’ve been the least lonely I’ve felt in a while.” He rubbed the back of his neck before continuing. “And I know you didn’t have to, and you probably would’ve had a better time without me but- yeah. Thank you.” 

Rhodey leaned over the console without taking his eyes off the road and awkwardly embraced Tony in a side-hug. In a deadpan voice, he responded, “This is dangerous, and the console is digging into my side but it’s worth it because I love you.” Voice brightening up a bit, he straightened up before talking. “Besides, my family loves you. They’ve practically adopted you already! If I don’t bring you back for future school breaks, I’ll be shunned! Shunned I tell you!” 

Tony giggled a bit before plastering a shit-eating smile on his face. “Oh don’t be like that  _ honeybear _ .” 

Rhodey swerved the car as his eyes widened. He shook his head softly as he righted the car. “Don’t. Don’t you dare.” 

“Platypus then.” 

“I’m sorry, what?” 

“Sourpatch?” 

“Tones.” Rhodey sounded pained as he spoke. “Stop. Please. I’m begging you.” 

“How about Iron Patriot? You’re the Iron Patriot to my Ironman.” 

“The iron-what now?” 

Tony froze from where he was entering ‘Platypus’ as Rhodey’s nickname in his phone. “Have- have you never seen Iron-Man?” 

“No?” 

“Wrong answer. We're fixing this as soon as we get back to the dorm.” 

Two hours and a death-defying disaster on the stairs later, the two boys were settled on the couch watching the very first Iron Man movie. Rhodey wasn’t focused so much on the movies and more on his friend’s wide-eyed adoration for the film. 

Rhodey managed to get the main premise of the movie though. A man named Robert Downey was tortured because he could build bombs that his father figure put him through and decided to clear him off when Robert was no longer useful. Then he gets the girl, his best friend gets a medal and it's all happily ever after. 

Rhodey glanced at the papers on Tony’s desk,  ones that strongly resembled the Jericho missile from Downy Industries. His eyes lingered on the smile that graced his friend’s face. 

Rhodey felt helpless for once and didn’t like it one bit. He couldn’t help Tony in the past and couldn’t save Tony from himself. 

The credits rolled and Rhodey stood to turn off the TV. He was so lost in his whirlwind of hopelessness that he didn’t notice he was being tackled until he was already on the ground. His body subconsciously protected Tony from the fall, and he let out a genuine laugh. 

“Pookie, come on you must know that you have to watch through the credits of Marv-el Movies. We need to see the end credits where this guy that looks like Principal Fury asks Robert to join a superhero squad.” 

Tony gets more comfortable lying on Rhodey’s chest and starts humming the credits. Rhodey looks down at the mop of curls and settles down. 

  
_ ‘This is enough. We can get to that road when we get there.’ _

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rhodey didn’t know how to help as he watched Tony withdraw into his shell and push Rhodey away. He watched the smaller boy grow miserable every day with no clue how to make it better. Fishing around in the dark, he took a breath before flopping on the bed next to Tony. 

“Hey Tones, there’s gonna be a party at Grandmaster's over the weekend. Wanna come?” 

Glancing up, Tony smiled. It was large and partly faked, and it pained Rhodey to have that smile turned on him. It was better than what Tony had given all week, so the older boy took what he could get. 

“Sure Platypus, why not?” 

Oh god, this was a mistake. Oh god. Oh god. 

Tony wrapped his jacket tighter around himself and he looked up at the house. Light was spilling out through the windows and crappy dubstep could be heard thrumming past the door. Even from out here, Tony could hear loud voices yelling. 

Following behind Rhodey, Tony found himself surrounded by hot, sweaty bodies. 

“Heeyyyyyyyy Jamess! I- uuuh- didn' think y’ would make i’ ” 

Rhodey grinned before clapping a large blonde man on the back and hugging the glaring brunet behind him. 

“Ey, Steve , Buck! How you doin’ guys!” 

Without wasting more time, Rhodey was swept away and Tony was left on his own. Wandering to a corner, he jumped as a pointy-nosed man crashed into him. 

For a split second, the man looked offended as if he wasn’t the one who ran into Tony but in a split second, the fronted expression turned leery. 

“Well hello there- what's a pretty little thing like you doing all alone?” 

Tony took a step backward, a bad feeling twisting in his stomach as he looked up. “I’m sorry?” 

The man, seemingly oblivious to Tony backing up, took another step closer into his personal space. He grabbed Tony’s shoulder as he spoke in drunken sentences. “You’re a sweet thing- I like you. The name’s Hammer. Justin Hammer.” 

Tony found his back to the wall as the man grabbed his chin. He pushed against the man- Hammer's chest as someone yelled “yeah Hammer! Get some!” Struggling more, he tried to twist away. Hammer grabbed the back of his jacket as Tony tried to get away. Pulling out of his jacket, Tony booked it out of the house. 

He ran and ran, running until he found himself amongst buildings he didn’t recognize. Slumping against the bricks, he panted before chuckling bitterly to himself as he once again found himself alone. Sitting down amongst the broken glass and the dirt against the building, he began to hum quietly. Almost too quiet to hear. He felt as alone as he was and despite the whirling thoughts in his head, not one of them held a solution. In the middle of the verse, he opened his mouth and added some words that were more air than voice. 

_ “-and cut my skin. I tried everything, to make them see me. But all they see, is someone that's not me.” _

Slamming his head back against the wall, silent tears began to track down his face. 

_ “Even when I'm walking on a wire, even when I set myself on fire. Why do I always feel invisible, invisible? Everyday I try to look my best, even though inside I'm such a mess. Why do I always feel invisible, invisible?”  _

Rhodey had left him immediately, not even sticking around to see if he was ok.  It wasn’t his fault, though! Tony couldn’t even last 5 fucking minutes at some _ stupid  _ party! 

_ “Here inside, my quiet heart, you cannot hear, my cries for help. I tried everything, to make them see me but everyone, see's what I can't be”  _

Hadn’t he told Rhodey he was lonely? Fuck, Rhodey was the only thing he  _ had _ and of course Tony managed to mess that up! He didn’t even know what he did! But fine, he could be happy. Everyone wanted him to be happy. He could do that. 

_ “Even when I'm walking on a wire. Even when I set myself on fire. Why do I always feel invisible, invisible?”  _

Just maybe... not right now. He couldn’t live up to everyone’s expectations right now. Just a colossal fuckup- couldn't even do that right! Never good enough. 

_ “Everyday I try to look my best, even though inside I'm such a mess. Why do I always feel invisible, invisible?” _

Feeling around on the ground, Tony’s hand snagged a jagged edge of glass. Sharp pain speared through his mind for a second, clearing his thoughts, and Tony hissed as he brought his hand up to inspect the wound. Of course! Howard wasn’t around to give Tony what he deserved, so he just had to do it himself. Seizing the glass, he let it dig into his palm as he brought one trembling hand over his arm. His vision was blurring now as tears fell more freely. He hesitated, somehow going even quieter as he sang the next verse. 

_ “Sometimes when I'm alone, I pretend that I'm a king. It's almost believable”  _

Squeezing his eyes just, he slashed his hand down, the rough glass tearing over his arm. He couldn’t quite stop the pained noise that came out of his mouth and he hated himself all the more for it. _ ‘Stark men are made of iron!’  _

_ “Even when I'm walking on a wire, even when I set myself on fire- why do I always feel invisible, invisible? Everyday I try to look my best, even though inside I'm such a mess- why do I always feel invisible, invisible?” _

He looked at his arm through tears as five mangled lines welled up with blood. Pain lanced up and down his arm as sobs wracked through his body. He curled up before jumping at the sound of a ringing phone. He sniffled before answering, seeing the large ‘Platypus' on the screen. 

“H-hello?” 

_ “Tones, where are you? Are you ok? I lost you after Steve dragged me away!”  _

Tony let out a wet huff as he tried to wrestle his emotions under control. “Yeah honeybear, I'm fine.” 

There was a pause over the phone before Rhodey responded.  _ “Are you sure Tones? You don’t sound ok. Do you need me there?”  _

He stood up as he responded, walking back to the dorm so he could clean his cuts and hide them before Rhodey went looking. Rhodey couldn’t know- he would be so  _ disappointed _ in Tony. He'd realize that Tony was a useless, good-for-nothing wimp and he'd leave like everybody else. He couldn’t know. 

“Yeah, I'm fine. Just got a little overwhelmed. I'm headed back to the dorm now.” 

Wait, Rhodey would try to get to the dorm to meet Tony! Panicking, Tony  tagged on. “Wanna meet at Rizuto’s? I could go for some ice cream right now.” 

Relief flowed through his body as Rhodey simply sighed and said “sure Tones.” 

Hanging up, Tony made his way back to the dorm. Wincing as he cleaned and bandaged his wounds, he hesitated before grabbing Rhodey's hoodie. It wasn't like he didn't steal clothes often and the sweater paws would help hide his arms. It helped stop the shivers wracking through Tony’s body as well, though he could've blamed them on the cold air of the ice cream parlor. Satisfied that he looked normal, Tony headed out, making his way towards Rizuto's. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recently, Mikah and I came to the conclusion that this chapter is the pre-dinner oof. This is the drink before the main meal. This chapter is the hors d'oeuvre of Oof. Basically, it's all pain from here on out.
> 
> Songs used in this chapter:  
> Invisible/Skylar Grey  
> https://youtu.be/NVVrT_wNw_Y
> 
> TW End Notes  
> Tony starts self harming and hides it from Rhodey when he receives a call from him. The two plan to meet at an ice cream shop called Rizuto's and Tony goes to clean up.


	7. Reluctant Company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony finds someone who is willing to punish him like Howard and spirals further into his unhealthy mindset

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not me forgetting to post yesterday  
> TW// Self-harm and Abuse. It's literally the entire chapter. I'll summarize in the end notes

Although it started sporadically, the cuts soon became habitual until there was always a healing line and there was never a week without the bite of something sharp digging into his skin. Spiraling into his thoughts of worthlessness, he began to look forward to the next cut. It became less of a punishment and more of a means to focus and quiet the whirling in his head. 

“-ark? Mr. Stark?” 

Tony was jerked up by an irritated voice. 

“Please do pay attention in my class, Mr. Stark. It would not do for you to get detention now, would it?” 

_ Shit _ \- he had pulled a few all-nighters but that was no excuse! Tony’s face burned in embarrassment as people turned their heads back towards the front of the class. He longed for the stinging pain of a blade to distract him from the humiliation. Digging his nails into his palms, he tried to focus on the board but found his mind drifting to the few minutes that had just transpired. Why was he so emotional about this? 

_ “You haven’t slept in 4 days, dipshit.” _ his inner brain said. Tony just dug his nails harder and tried not to think. 

By the end of the day, Tony was ready to bang his head into a wall. He sighed and held back tears, frustrated over his dubious hold on his emotions today. Leaning his forehead against the wall, he scratched half-heartedly at his arms as he held back shaky sobs. His throat burned and felt tight as he struggled to filter a mask over his prickling eyes. Between exasperated teachers, students who believed in his press smile and bullies who thought they’d do something about it, and his own plummeting self-esteem, the tenuous grasp he had on his own life was quickly slipping through his fingers. 

_ “Hey now, what’s going on here?” _

Tony stiffened as a voice rang out from behind him. Reeling around, he was met with none other than Tiberius Stone. Tony placed a cautious hand to his ribs in memory of Stone’s second hand, Sunset Baine. She, along with others in the group, was the cause of several bruises riddling his torso. Tony shifted into a defensive stance, ready to fight if need be but faltered as Stone continued to speak. 

“What’s someone like you doing all alone? Surely the great Tony Stark should have plenty of friends!” 

If Stone was mocking Tony, he couldn’t tell. Still hesitant, he responded. 

“What do you want, Stone?” 

“Simple, Stark. I wanna treat you right.” 

Tony physically stumbled back as Stone stepped closer. 

“W-what?” 

Around the corner, Sunset Bain was peering in on the encounter, one earbud dangling loosely from her ear. Her smirk widened as Ty tried to convince the broken Stark kid. It would be so much fun to break him. Harsh lyrics filtered through her ear. 

_ “Watch your step around these words cause they're gonna get you- they're gonna get you in the end. I swear it's not a disease, it's just a game of pretend- a game of pretend.” _

“No one around here is nice to you, and I think that’s a damn shame.” 

Tony narrowed his eyes as he found himself backed into a wall. “I don’t understand.” 

_ “Why is it me they're after? Couldn't they pick another one? Someday I'll spit their laughter and bite their tongue.” _

“What is there not to understand, Stark? I think you’re cute and wanna take you out.” 

Sunset laughed at that thought.  _ Yeah, but not on a date. _

“Why would you be interested in someone like me?” 

Stone smiled as he responded, grasping one of Tony’s hands between his own. “As I said, I don’t think people here treat you as you deserve and I wanna fix that.” 

Tony still looked unsure as he agreed to a date with Stone-  _ Call me Ty, please _ \- but he decided to give Sto-Ty the benefit of the doubt. 

_ “Horrible kids- Would you look what you did. It was your ignorance that formed a beast with your wit. Horrible kids, horrible kids, horrible kids- Look what you did!” _

That was how Tony found himself waiting nervously at a café for Tiberius Stone- who was supposed to show up soon. Over the next few weeks, Ty was the embodiment of a perfect boyfriend. He made Tony laugh and hugged and cuddled with Tony as much as he wanted. Little by little, Tony found himself lowering his guard. Ty was sweet in a way Tony didn’t deserve, but he would take what he could get. 

_ “What makes this target grow? Is it when his feelings show? Hold a gun to his head and you'll know you've pushed him down as low as he can-”  _

3 and a half weeks in, they had their first argument. Ty quickly raised his voice and Tony flinched as he made a swift movement. Ty’s eyes widened as his hand touched his forehead and Tony straightened up in dread. 

“Ty? Oh my god, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to flinch I swear I’m so-” 

“Tony? What the hell was that?” 

Tony began backing up to the door, tears brimming in his eyes and face red with chagrin. “I’m sorry, I-I should go.” With that, he seized the door handle and ran, making his way back to his dorm room in a panic. 

_ “Go! Get away from me! Leave me be, I beg you please I'm on the floor on bended knee. Maybe then I'll keep my sanity.”  _

After making sure Stark was truly gone, Tiberius grinned and scooped up his phone to text Sunset. 

Madame Menace 

Sunset! You won’t believe what just happened 

What? 

I started an argument to test the waters so far and I think Stark’s already been broken some. 

He flinched 

Flinched! 

Dude 

If you could get him to tell you why we could have some serious fun exploiting it 

I know 

This is great! 

Alright Caesar, go get Stark to spill his secrets 

The next day, Tony would go to Tiberius and apologize. He would tell Ty about his father and how toxic his household was. He would talk about his depression although he kept his cuts a secret and in the privacy of his own home, Tiberius would smirk. 

_ “And I can't stand this pain they cause me. This puzzle will solve itself and maybe I just can't seem to put this together yet.”  _

Slowly, Tiberius began to dig at Tony’s self-esteem. 

“Hey, babe? Could you grab a glass for me? 

“Sure!” 

Wandering into Ty’s kitchen, Tony opened up the cupboard only for his shoulders to sink as he saw all of the glasses left were on the top shelf. Reaching up on his tiptoes, he tried to reach for a glass. 

“Babe?” 

Just a little more! 

“God, babe. Can’t you do anything right?” The glass was snatched from right in front of Tony’s fingers. Spinning around, Tony saw the glass dangled from Ty’s fingers. Ducking his head, he apologized. 

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t reach.” 

Ty simply scoffed as he walked away, glass in hand, leaving Tony alone in the kitchen. 

“Typical.” 

_ “Horrible kids- Would you look what you did? It was your ignorance that formed a beast with your wit.” _

Tony clutched his stinging arms as he tried to reason with Ty. 

“Ty, come on-” 

“No, Tony. You were late. Honestly, I’m hurt. I’ve been perfect for you and you show up later to our date! That’s not something a good boyfriend would do!” Tiberius glared down at Tony, noticing the way he was trembling. 

“Ty, please-” 

“Stop, Tony.” 

“Ty-” 

**“ENOUGH!”** Tiberius grabbed Tony’s arm and yanked him forward. Tony hissed at Ty’s hand squeezing his wounds and stumbled forward at Ty’s forceful pull. Ty was seething as he hissed in Tony’s face. 

**“Stop.”** Ty shoved Tony’s arm back and Tony flailed as his feet tripped over themselves. He found himself staring up at Ty as he continued to talk. “Stop Tony. I just can’t right now. I’m going back to my dorm, stay here if you like.” 

Tony curled up on the sidewalk as Ty stormed away and blinked back stinging tears. He was clutching his arm- which was bleeding again from Ty’s rough treatment. 

Ty didn’t  _ mean _ to hurt Tony. He had no idea that Tony was hurting himself! And it was Tony’s fault for being late anyway, he started the fight. It was Tony’s fault. 

_ “Horrible kids, horrible kids, horrible kids- Look what you did! Horrible kids, horrible kids, horrible kids- Look what you did.” _

With a deep breath, Tony shoved himself off the sidewalk and walked back to his dorm. 

“Are you kidding me, Tony?” Ty was sporting a frustrated expression in front of a pleading Tony. 

“Ty, please. You  _ know _ I was going to spend the day with Rhodey today! We’ve been planning this all week; I can’t just cancel on him!” 

“I’m trying to do something  _ nice _ for you, Tony. I’m sure he’d understand now  **let’s go!** ” 

Tony faltered as he was forced to choose between his best friend and his boyfriend but quickly had the choice taken from him as Ty grabbed his arm. Tony winced at the heavy hand and stumbled along as he fished his phone out of his pocket. 

_ I’m sorry Platypus. _

_ “Picture this he was just a kid, not knowing where to begin. He wore all the wrong clothes followed all the wrong trends. Persecuted for the things he did.”  _

“Tony, babe. C'mon!” 

“I’m sorry Ty, you know I don’t like horror movies!” 

A brief expression of annoyance flitted across Ty’s face before it was schooled into something more like apathy. “I know Tony, but we were going to see a movie tonight, and this was the only interesting thing playing!” 

Tony bit his lip as he tried to find a way out of the movie. “Couldn’t we just- do something else? I’ll pay you back for the tickets!” 

“Seriously babe?!” The annoyance was back in full force. “We planned to see a movie and no you’re just gonna flake on me?!” 

“Ty, no! That’s not what I’m saying!” 

“I can’t believe you Tony!” 

“Ty, please just listen to me!” Tony pleaded, trying to placate him. “Look, I’ll watch the movie! Please, just don’t choose horror again!” 

“Honestly Tony, it’s no wonder people were treating you awful! You’re selfish and arrogant- thinking you control everything! Let’s just go watch the movie.” 

With that, Ty turned on his heel and strode into the cinema, leaving Tony to scurry behind. 

_ “Picture this he was all alone without a friend to call his own so he sat on his bed with the thought in his head- with wishes that they all were dead.”  _

Tony stared listlessly into a wall as he thought about his most recent encounter with his boyfriend. He seemed to be capable of nothing more than messing up with everything. Tony had thought he was doing something nice for Ty but thinking back on it, it was obvious that wasn’t the case. 

He curled up miserably as his mind delved into his shortcomings. He mechanically reached for the small tack he kept tucked in his jacket and absentmindedly fiddled with it, pushing into the skin in his thumb without a thought. 

It was a wonder that Ty stayed with Tony at all for how often he fucked up. Ty was generous and selfless for giving Tony so many chances. Tony didn’t deserve Ty. 

Tony flopped onto his side and sighed as he stared at the blood streaming down his thumb. He felt tears in his eyes but paid them no mind. He didn’t even know if they were from the pain or his own thoughts. Tony knew he should get up to clean his hand but couldn’t find it in himself to move. Eventually, fear of Rhodey seeing won over the overbearing feeling of hopelessness and despondency. 

Trudging, to the bathroom, he slipped out his phone to apologize to Ty. He was obviously upset, and Tony didn’t help. Running his hand under the icy water, he rinsed the blood off and slipped a band-aid over the broken skin. He cleaned the tack and slipped it back in his pocket before falling onto his bed again. Staring at the wall, he watched the line of the sun slip lower and lower before falling into an agitated sleep. 

_ “But then he saw the light, gained the will to fight, saw that victory was in sight. But soon they all will see.”  _

Tony walked back into the common room to see Ty on his phone, knuckles white around it. Tony had to be careful. He couldn’t sound accusatory at all, or Ty would get mad. Cautiously, Tony spoke. 

“Ty? What are you doing on my phone?” 

Ty looked up and turned the phone to face Tony. Shaking with rage, he spoke harshly. 

“Tony. Who the  **fuck** is this?!” 

Looking at the screen, Tony could see the small ‘Platypus <3’ next to a bear and a honey jar. Tony opened his mouth to respond but was cut off before he could speak. 

“Do you love him more than me? Is that it? Why is he in your phone?” 

Tony’s face fell as he recognized Ty’s ranting tone. “Ty-’ 

“I’ve gone through your texts. Cupcake? Butternut? Gumdrop? How much closer are you to him than me?!” 

“Ty-” 

“Tony, I don’t want you talking to him anymore! He’s a distraction! You can’t love anyone else!” 

Tony froze before shifting into an offensive stance. “Excuse me?!” 

“You heard me! You’re spending more time with him than me! Obviously, there’s something going on here!” 

Tony snatched his phone out of Ty’s hand as he shouted back. “Rhodey is my best friend! You can’t just tell me to stop talking to him!” 

Ty shot up off the couch with a look of murderous rage in his eyes. Tony flinched and cowered as Ty seized his wrist and tugged it over his head. Ty towered over Tony and his voice was deathly quiet as he squeezed Tony’s wrist. 

“Can’t I?” 

Tony was shaking and he felt like he was shrinking under Ty’s gaze. God, couldn’t Ty tell him to do that? If Ty was feeling ignored, that was Tony’s fault. Maybe he should spend less time with Rhodey! But he didn’t spend that much time with Rhodey... did he? Tony was doubting his own memory. Maybe he didn’t spend as much time with Ty as he thought he did 

Tony choked out a shaky “N-no!” Ty twitched with unbridled rage as he went on. “You ca-aH! Ty, stop! That hurts!” Ty was putting pressure on Tony’s wrist, agitating his cuts and straining his bones. Tony tried to wrench his hand out of Ty’s grip only to find himself on tiptoes as Ty brought his hand up even higher. 

“Ty, please!” 

Ty’s face was stony as he brought Tony close. 

“Don’t talk to him anymore.” 

Tony scrabbled with his other hand, trying to pry Ty’s hand away, even as he relented to Ty’s request  to stop the pain. “Fine, fine! Just let me go!” 

Ty huffed and released Tony’s wrist. Unprepared for the sudden drop, Tony stumbled, even as Ty hooked an arm around his waist and tugged him onto the couch. Tony tensed and resolved to try to text Rhodey in secret. He nursed his wrist and watched purpling bruises appear. 

“Babe? You know I love you, right? I’m sorry for hurting you.” 

Tony ignored the aching of his heart as he sniffled and nodded  slowly . 

“Yeah.” 

_ “Horrible kids, would you look what you did? It was your ignorance that formed a beast with your wit. Horrible kids, would you look what you did? It was your ignorance that formed a beast with your wit.”  _

“Oh, c’mon babe! That never happened!” 

“Ty, why is this even a problem? I know it did but you apologized already! Why is this an issue?” 

“Because you’re trying to accuse me of something I never did! I’m your boyfriend! Why would I ever hurt you?!” 

“You didn’t mean to! Besides, as I said- you apologized right after!” 

“You’re being absurd, babe! Do you actually think this happened?” 

“Yes, Ty! I know you did!” 

“No, Tony. I never did that. I’m not kidding. **Drop it.** ” 

“Ty!” 

“Drop it, Tony! I’m done with this conversation!” 

Indignation flared up in Tony’s chest. They had been going in this circle for hours and Ty wouldn’t just admit that he had hurt Tony and leave it! 

“Yeah, well I’m not!” He snapped. 

“Fine then!” Ty retorted, whirling around to face Tony. “Say I did hurt you! When? Give me  _ one  _ date- one instance!” 

Tony spluttered. “I- you expect me to remember exact dates?!” 

“You obviously have some specific instance in mind, so go on!” 

“You can’t possibly expect me to have  _ taken note _ of what day it was!” 

“Look, babe, if you can’t tell what day this might’ve happened, what’s to say you’re not lying about it?” 

Tony knew the answer before he even had to say it. Absolutely nothing. There was no proof.

_ “Horrible kids, horrible kids, horrible kids. Look what we did! Horrible kids, horrible kids, horrible kids. Look what we did.” _

Even a week later, Tony was still thinking about that encounter with Ty. Maybe he was just overreacting- his definitions of hurt were far shallower than Ty’s. That’s why Tony had to cut himself. Ty was probably telling the truth. Conflicted, Tony decided to consult Rhodey. 

Rolling over to face Rhodey, who was studying, Tony reached his foot out and poked Rhodey in the side. Putting his work down, Rhodey huffed an amused sigh. 

“Yes, Tones?” 

Tony looked Rhodey in the eyes, and his serious tone sobered Rhodey’s expression. “I need your advice.” 

“Of course, Tones. What’s up?” Rhodey turned so his body was facing Tony’s as well. Discreetly feeling the scabs lining his arms, Tony began to sing, unsure of how else to convey his feelings. 

_ “My boy's being sus', he was shady enough, but now he's just a shadow. My boy loves his friends like I love my split ends, and by that, I mean- he cuts 'em off.” _

Rhodey frowned and stood from his chair, laying next to Tony on his bed. 

“Ty? You’ve been saying that he’s the picture-perfect boyfriend.” 

_ “My boy My boy My boy don't love me like he promised. My boy My boy My boy He ain't a man, and sure as hell ain't honest” _ Tony immediately snuggles into Rhodey’s chest, hiding his face and arms in the process. Rhodey’s frown grew into a scowl, but his body posture remained relaxed. 

“Tony, did he lie to you? Did he hurt you?” 

“Not really. It’s just...” Tony taps a pattern into Rhodey’s stomach. Rhodey vaguely thinks that its morse code, but is too focused on his trembling friend instead. 

_ “My boy's being sus' and he don't know how to cuss. He just sounds like he's tryna be his father. My boy's an ugly crier but he's such a pretty liar, and by that, I mean he said he'd ‘change’.” _

Rhodey couldn’t help the flinch when Tony mentioned Ty’s father, because the Stones and Starks always got along well. The flinch turned into complete horror when Tony talked about Ty saying he'd change. If Ty was so perfect, he wouldn’t need to change. 

“Tony, relationships thrive on change. If Ty needed to change and didn't that isn't a good sign. I'm really proud of you for talking to me about this, but you need to tell me more.”

_ “ _ _ My boy, My boy, My boy don't love me like he promised. My boy, My boy, My boy. He ain't a man and sure as hell ain't honest. My boy, my boy, my friends, I love my split ends” _

Rhodey sighed and pressed Tony’s head closer into his shoulder. Tony took a shuddering breath, tears running down his face.

_ “My boy, My boy, My boy don't love me like he promised. My boy, My boy, My boy. He ain't a man and sure as hell ain't honest” _

“Tones…” Rhodey said, ready to tell his friend to leave that asshole. 

“Rhodey I know  what you’re going to say but he’s taught me so much about relationships.”

A skeptical silence filled the air before Rhodey said: “Like what?”

_ “ _ _ You want me to be yours, well, then you gotta be mine and if you want a good girl, then goodbye. You want me to be yours, well, then you gotta be mine and if you want a good girl, then goodbye _ _ ” _

  
  


Tony could tell that Rhodey was doubtful of his relationship with Ty. What if he was just being dramatic though? Tony had no idea how relationships worked! He knew there was supposed to be sacrifice- what if this was his? What if this was normal and he just didn’t know. It’s not like he had any basis to go off of.

Sighing, Tony rolled over. He felt miserable with all the doubt whirling in his head and he didn’t know how to make it stop- how to organize his thoughts so he could actually  _ think _ .

Rolling around again, he found himself staring at the ceiling, unable to take his mind off of the topic at hand. Sticking his hand in front of his face and staring at it, he began to sing- voice quiet and miserable.

_ “ _ _ Thought I found a way- Thought I found a way, yeah. But you never go away so I guess I gotta stay now” _

He wasn’t exactly… happy with Ty. But he also knew that it was impossible to maintain a happy relationship with anyone 24/7- there’s bound to be some tough times. The problem Tony was having trouble focusing on was where to draw the line. At what point are you too unhappy with a relationship to break up?  How do you tell if the relationship is the problem? Taking another breath, he moved on to the next verse.

_ “Oh, I hope someday I'll make it out of here, even if it takes all night or a hundred years. Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near, Wanna feel alive, outside I can fight my fear” _

His breath hitched as he thought of how Ty might react. The fact that Tony was even  _ thinking  _ about this would make Ty so mad! He wouldn’t  _ mean _ to be so mad but he would be. He’d grab Tony’s arm and dig his fingers into the cuts and- Tony’s breath stuttered and his voice trembled as he sang the chorus- barely reaching the high notes.

_ “Isn't it lovely, all alone? Heart made of glass, my mind of stone. Tear me to pieces, skin to bone. Hello, welcome home” _

Taking a deep breath, Tony pushed himself up and off the bed. Walking to the door, he grabbed his jacket and the key card, hesitating before grabbing the small first aid kit Rhodey made him keep under the desk. He sang under his breath as he made his way to the roof.

_ “Walkin' out of town. Lookin' for a better place. Something's on my mind- Always in my headspace” _

Pushing open the door labeled “Roof Access”, he thought again on his overall dilemma. Was he overreacting? Was it even worth it to bring it up? How did he tell? It wasn’t like he could talk to Ty about this, Rhodey was biased and didn’t know the whole situation, and there was no way Tony was going to talk to anyone else about it. Even if he was comfortable enough with anyone, they’d probably yell at him, laugh at him, slap him, or all of the above. He was probably being stupid about the whole thing but Tony couldn’t seem to make himself stop thinking about it. Backing up against the wall on the roof, he sank down into a sitting position and tilted his head up towards the sky. With his eyes closed, he sang again.

_ “ _ _ But I know someday I'll make it out of here, even if it takes all night or a hundred years. Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near- Wanna feel alive, outside I can fight my fear _ _ ” _

Fiddling with the blade tucked away in his pocket, he kept going through his main thoughts, going around in a circle of doubt, fear, and hesitation. Gripping the sharp metal, he idly carved into his arm, pain piercing through his arm and temporarily blinding his thoughts. Blood dripped down his arm,  staining his skin and splashing on the gravel alone. Tony opened the first aid kit to patch up the split skin and sang the chorus once more.

_ “ _ _ Isn't it lovely, all alone? Heart made of glass, my mind of stone. Tear me to pieces, skin, and bone. Hello, welcome home _ _ ” _

Scooping himself off the ground, he lingered outside for a few minutes before heading back to the dorm, resigned to conflicted thoughts for the rest of the night. Scanning the card to get back into his room, he hummed the final lyrics, not feeling any better despite the clear mind he had gained for a minute.

_ “ _ _ Woah, yeah. Yeah, ah. Woah, Woah. Hello, welcome home _ _ ” _

  
  


From several rooms away, Tiberius Stone settled on his couch, laughing at the most recent damage he had caused. The look of fear he had managed to draw from the young Stark’s face made the effort worth it. Cracking open a beer, he thought back to when Sunset had first brought up the idea to him. He’d been skeptical, sure, but listening to the senior had been worth it. Sunset had come up to him a few days after winter break.

“Ty! I have an idea!”

Turning around, Ty looked Sunset in the eyes. Seeing her smirk, he smiled, intrigued. 

“C’mon, let’s go somewhere a little less…” Sunset paused for a moment. “Obvious.”

With that, Sunset turned around and walked briskly outside, aiming for an old alleyway between buildings.

“What’s going on, Sunset? What are you thinking?”

Sunset settled and took a deep breath before breaking into a confident, sordid song.

_ “ _ _ Rule number one is that you gotta have fun- But baby when you're done, you gotta be the first to run” _

Ty’s eyebrows scrunched up as he recognized the rule. Any heartbreaker would.

“Sunset-”

_ “Rule number two, just don't get attached to somebody you could lose- So le-let me tell you” _

Sunset walked around Ty as she sang, fingers trailing over his shoulders; heels clicking against the dirty cement.

_ “This is how to be a heartbreaker! Boys they like a little danger! We'll get him falling for a stranger- A player, singing I lo-lo-love you! How to be a heartbreaker! Boys they like the look of danger! We'll get him falling for a stranger- A player, singing I lo-lo-love you! At least I think I do! _ _ ” _

Ty turned around as Sunset went around him, following her as she sang.

“Sunset, what are you-”

_ “'Cause I lo-lo-lo-love you! Rule number three, wear your heart on your cheek but never on your sleeve unless you wanna taste defeat” _

As Sunset finished walking around Ty, she turned to face him.

_ “ _ _ Rule number four gotta be looking pure- Kiss him goodbye at the door, and leave him wanting more, more _ _ ” _

Ty took Sunset’s hands as he butt in.

“Sunset, why are you telling me this?”

Sunset simply winked and pushed a finger against his lips before moving back to the chorus.

_ “ _ _ This is how to be a heartbreaker! Boys they like a little danger! We'll get him falling for a stranger- A player, singing I lo-lo-love you! How to be a heartbreaker! Boys they like the look of danger! We'll get him falling for a stranger- A player, singing I lo-lo-love you! At least I think I do! _ _ ” _

Stepping away, Sunset moved on to the bridge, leaving Ty to figure out why she was singing in the first place.

_ “'Cause I lo-lo-love you! Girls, we do, whatever it will take. 'Cause girls don't want, we don't want our hearts to break in two. So it's better to be fake, can't risk losing- In love again, ba-abe” _

Ty was finally coming to a realization. Sunset wanted  _ him _ to be a heartbreaker! She was telling him this because it was up to him now!

_ “ _ _ This is how to be a heartbreaker! Boys they like a little danger! We'll get him falling for a stranger- A player, singing I lo-lo-love you! How to be a heartbreaker! Boys they like the look of danger! We'll get him falling for a stranger- A player, singing I lo-lo-love you! _ _ ” _

Running to catch up with Sunset , Ty smirked, belatedly conspiring with her.

“So who are we thinking?”

Sunset didn’t talk at first, simply giving Ty a smug look before pointing across the room to-

“Tony Stark.”

Finally, Sunset closed out the song, grabbing her wallet to buy a drink from the cafe they ended up in.

_ “ _ _ 'Cause I lo-lo-lo-love you. At least I think I do! _ _ ” _

Finishing off his beer, Ty brought himself out of the memory and decided to text Tony, thinking in delight of the pained wince he could elicit from a simple squeeze on his wrist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs used in this chapter  
> Horrible Kids/Set It Off  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHSlHQ8zKOw  
> My Boy/Billie Eilish  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVUmSgzgOqs  
> Lovely/Billish Eilish & Khalid  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xirk18P889U  
> How to be a Heartbreaker/Marina and the Diamonds  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fonsGqCtUnA
> 
> Chapter 7 notes.   
> Mikah: The storm before the storm
> 
> Jules: Who can spot the extra lyrics? This song wasn’t in the master. Honestly, I don’t even remember what it is, so whoever can tell me gets a shoutout in whatever chapter gets posted after. This chapter took for-fuckin-ever to write because someone *cough* it was me *cough cough* didn’t write for a few months straight.
> 
> We haven't even gotten to the oof of all oofs y'all are in for a ride
> 
> ("The storm before the storm" No wait nevermind we forgot the Oof™ was actually in this chapter it's the storm of the storm.) (It's not there's still a main Oof to come)
> 
> TW SUMMARY  
> Tony continues to self harm and enters a decidedly abusive relationship with Tiberius Stone. That's the entire chapter.


	8. Misconceived Notions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A change in POV. Steve gets a fit of overprotective rage and Rhodey finds out about the cuts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been waiting for this chapter for the chapter notes alone

“Buck come on we need to meet Clint and Nat before they leave without us.”

Steve Rogers stood by his fellow senior’s bed, poking hesitantly at the lump that occupies his boyfriend. The lump shifted, let out a groan, then fell silent again. A hesitant hand slipped out from under the covers, holding a pen.

Steve got the message, and put some spare paper next to the hand, watching it disappear into the lump once more. He smiled fondly, then took off his shoes, and put his keys on the desk. 

A note emerged from the blankets, containing an apology. Steve scoffed and got his favourite gold pen from his desk. On the same note, he wrote that no apologies were needed, but he did want to know how to help the lump that swallowed his best friend.

A rough voice emanated from the pile. To others, it might seem threatening, but Steve knew Bubky was just covering up his sobs.

“Singing?”

“Whatever helps you, Buck.”

“Had a nightmare.”

“About your arm? What happened?”

The silence was thick, enveloping the room as the lump thought through its next words.

_“I heard the angels call again. I threw myself a party of chardonnay and oxy. I stopped the screams inside my head. I remember when you had me. Floating high like Sid and Nancy._

_“They say it's not the answer but I can't carry on. 'Cause I got nowhere, no one, without you boy I'm done. And when I'm gone, remember you're the one. And just because I fight don't mean that I never learned how to love.”_

Steve jolted and realized why his boyfriend had become a mess of blankets.

“Bucky, you losing an arm was the worst moment of my life. Knowing all the pain you would have to go through and everything that you wouldn’t be able to do was awful. Even through all of this, I don't think of you any less.”

“Steve.” The lump opened up to allow Steve to see his captivating boyfriend. Steve smiled at his name and poked the frown covering Bucky’s smile. “I am statistically 12% less of a human since before the crash. You could do so much better with a full boyfriend, one who doesn’t have PTSD from a stupid car crash.”

“You made that up. It’s probably more like 15%, but James Barnes, this doesn’t make you any less perfect to me.” Steve reached out to touch his friend but hesitated at the flinch. 

“I’m not perfect.”

“You are to me. I don't need you to be full, or happy all the time, or brave. I need you to be Bucky.”

“I couldn’t get near scissors for a year, Steve! I can’t watch action movies with you anymore! You can’t have as much fun anymore.”

“And yet I still have 10 times more fun with you than with anyone else.”

Bucky groaned, pushing his hands through his long hair. Steve knew he couldn’t cut his hair for a year without a panic attack, which is why it was long. Steve thinks he looks so much better with his hair like this. 

Bucky’s voice brings Steve out of his inner thoughts appreciating Buck’s shirtless form. 

_“You know devils don't fly. So don't expect me not to fall. Devils don't fly. But God we almost had it all. But I got chains and you got wings. You know that life ain't fair sometimes. Devils don't fly. But I try”_

“We still have it all. Our relationship isn’t any… less then it was. You are not the devil at all, you dramatic ass.”

Bucky barked out a laugh, looking down.

_“What's a girl to do when she's not strong.”_ Bucky looks across the room at his beaten up prosthetic. The synthetic skin was torn to the metal in some places, and screws were coming out. _“When everyone that holds my hand. Gets cut from all the thorns.”_

Bucky suddenly looks at a picture above his desk that Steve had drawn, saying “Look up! You can do this! You are not depression’s bitch!!”

_“I used to put my ear against the wall. To hear the screams, to hear the fall. More reasons to escape it all- And it's not the answer but I can't carry on. I give my best smile, my last dime but I'm always getting wrong.”_

Steve smiles softly and speaks up. “But you try your hardest. That's what matters, Darling. You don’t need a reason to feel like this.”

_“It's not 'cause I'm young or from a broken home. Maybe I just fight 'cause I don't know where I belong.”_

“You belong right next to me, Bucky. There’s no place I’d rather you be. If you fall, I’ll be right next to you, and I’ll be here all day instead of leaving without you.”

_“Angels were never meant to fall- And you were the loveliest of all. If I thought God could fix it I'd pray for your forgiveness- I might be cast down, thrown out when I cross to the other side.”_

“Buck-”

_“No devils don't fly!”_ Bucky interrupts Steve, eyes bright with determination and unshed tears. “ _So don't expect me not to fall. Devils don't fly. But God we almost had it all. But I got chains and you got wings. You know that life ain't fair sometimes. Devils don't fly. But I try.”_

“It’s okay,” Steve says crawling over to the Bucky-Lump hybrid.

_“But I try.”_

  
  
  


Eventually, Bucky’s latest depressive slump smoothed over enough that he decided to venture outside for some ice cream- with Steve, of course. With a glare the size of Kentucky and his prosthetic strapped on, he opened the glass door leading into the local ice cream shop, Rizuto’s. Bucky hadn’t taken more than 3 steps into the shop when a small body thumped into his left side. Bucky let out a gasp of pain as the nerves in his stubbed flared up and his breath quickened minutely. _Shit, I knew this was a bad idea I should’ve stayed inside crapfuckshit-_

Steve stepped in front of Bucky with an intimidating aura, arms crossed. He looked down at Bucky.

“You ok?”

The only response he got in return was the wheeze of a carefully controlled breath and tears of stress sparkling in Bucky’s eyes.

_This was already a bad day this’ll probably set back so much progress how_ ** _dare_** **_someone do this to him._** _They couldn’t even look two steps ahead and avoid colliding with someone who’s obviously injured and stressed._ ** _They hurt Bucky and that is unforgivable._**

With thoughts of defensive rage, Steve looked curtly at the figure responsible.

“Stark.”

Oh. _Oh._

_Knowing it was Stark, he probably ran into Bucky on purpose! He saw Bucky and thought ha! I could ruin someone’s day!_ **_How dare he! How dare he think someone else’s life is his entertainment! How dare he treat Bucky like that!_ **

“Is he okay?”

Steve took a step closer as he glowered at Stark. “You think you can just run anywhere you like? Don’t care about who you affect as you damage things?”

“I- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to!”

Steve laughed in disbelief. Steve knew what people said about Stark. Chances were high he was lying to get attention. Acting to seem like the victim and just waiting for another chance to show off how rich he was.

Steve crowded further into Stark’s space, looming over the smaller boy. Tony’s breathed hitched as he tried not to panic. This felt too much like Ty and he recognized Steve from the party so his mind was wandering back to Hammer as well. Hand digging into his pocket, he felt for the thumbtack, hooking it with his fingers. He pushed the point into his thumb, breaking his skin as he looked up at the looming blond. Anger was evident in his eyes and Tony shrank as Steve took a deep breath, viciousness coming through in his voice as he began to sing.

_“_ _I work all night, I work all day, to pay the bills I have to pay. Ain't it sad? And still, there never seems to be a single penny left for me. That's too bad._ _”_

Bucky began to edge closer to Steve, gaining confidence as his boyfriend stood up for him against Stark. Voice shaky, he cut in with the next line, recognizing the song.

_“_ _In our dreams, we have a plan. If we got us a wealthy man we wouldn't have to work at all, we'd fool around and have a ball!_ _”_

Fully caught up with Steve now, the two took a breath and sang in tandem.

_“_ _Money, money, money- Must be funny in the rich man's world. Money, money, money- Always sunny in the rich man's world. Aha aha. All the things we could do if we had a little money- It's a rich man's world_ _”_

Tony changed his stance. If they already hated him he might as well start fighting. He snarled and leaned into their advancements, thumbtack etching into the pad of his thumb. This was common enough- they hated him because he was rich and thought he would hurt others for a laugh like his father did. They thought that if it ever escalated, he’d pay enough money to make wherever it was forget about whatever ordeal they imagined. They kept singing.

_“_ _A man like that is hard to find but we can't get him off our mind- Ain't it sad?”_ Bucky took over the next line. _“And if he happens to be free I bet he wouldn't fancy me. That's too bad.”_ Steve finished out the verse, reaching for Bucky’s hand. _“So I must leave, I'll have to go to Las Vegas or Monaco and win a fortune in a game, my life will never be the same_ _”_

Tony heard a door swing open behind him, around where the bathrooms are located. A few seconds later, Rhodey’s voice rang out.

“Tones, Steve, Bucky! What’s going on here?”

Tony broke in before either of the other two could respond, eyes cold.

“Nothing Honey Bagel. They were just leaving. Ready?”

Rhodey eyed the two but went with Tony to the front case so he could decide on a flavor. Steve bristled but turned around as Bucky tugged on his arm, ready to leave. On the walk home, the two finished out their song, angry that people like Stark could do anything while they were left to suffer.

_“_ _Money, money, money- Must be funny in the rich man's world. Money, money, money- Always sunny in the rich man's world. Aha aha. All the things we could do if we had a little money. It's a rich man's world_ _”_

Back at Rizuto’s, Rhodey was looking at Tony with a concerned look on his face- though if it was from Tony’s eggnog-peppermint-ice-cream-concoction or his sudden downtrodden posture, he didn’t know. Sighing, he figured he should comment on it. If he didn’t, Tony would never talk about it.

Leaning into Tony to soften the blow, he spoke.

“So what was that all about?”

Tony sighed and slumped into Rhodey, accepting the hug and the fingers stroking his hair.

“I ran into one of them and they got pissy. I think they thought I’d try to blow them off or something.”

Rhodey dug his nose into Tony’s neck, voice muffled by the soft curls.

“I wish I could diss them but I actually knew these guys. Steve and Bucky.”

“I recognized one of them from the party.”

“They’re absolutely wrong but from what they know and where they’re coming from, I can see why they jumped to the conclusion that they did. I’m certainly going to have a talk with them later.”

Tony took a mouthful of ice cream and smiled a little. “Thanks, Fruit Loop.”

Rhodey thought for a moment before speaking again. “Wanna hang in the lab for a few hours?”

Just like that, Tony’s entire disposition changed into that of an excited puppy who was just given his favourite treat. Pumping his arms, he hissed out an ecstatic “Yesssss” before shoveling ice cream into his mouth to get there faster.

As Rhodey got up to throw their cups away, the final verse of the song that had been playing sounded, ringing in their heads as the bell for the open door jingled.

_“_ _And all the kids cried out, ‘Please stop, you're scaring me!’ I can't help this awful energy! God damn right, you should be scared of me! Who is in control?_ _”_

30 minutes later found the 2 boys in the lab, working on a 1996 Chevy Impala, ACDC and Black Sabbath blaring through the speakers. Despite the loud music, Tony was humming a different song. Rubbing his grease-covered hand across his face, he cursed and turned the music down.

“Hey, blueberry?”

Rhodey started to sit up as he slid out from under the car, banging his head against the metal with a solid _thunk_. “What’s up Tones?” He rubbed his head.

“What was the song that was playing when we left Rizuto’s?”

Rhodey fully sat up. “Uhh- I don’t know? What did it sound like?”

Tony hummed for about 15 seconds. The two sat in silence for a minute before Rhodey shifted.

“I’ve got no clue- hang on.” Rhodey stood up and strode over to the table to grab his phone. He fiddled for a second before looking up at Tony. “Ok, hum it again.”

Rhodey’s phone buzzed as it recognized the tune and a few minutes later, the two were listening to the song and working on the car again.

_“_ _They send me away to find them a fortune- A chest filled with diamonds and gold. The house was awake, the shadows and monsters- The hallways, they echoed and groaned_ _”_

With Rhodey under the car and Tony able to fiddle with the engine, he deemed it safe enough to start rambling.

“Y’know Chickadee, I’m tired of stuff like that.”

Rhodey paused in his ministrations. He yelled up at Tony.

“What, like at the shop?”

Tony refused to look down, focusing all of his energy on the engine in front of him.

“It’s not even that though. Howard sent me away because I wasn’t good enough- couldn’t bring him the right type of press.” Tony’s tone turned bitter.

_“I sat alone, in bed till the morning- I'm crying, ‘They're coming for me’. And I tried to hold these secrets inside me- My mind's like a deadly disease”_

He kept going before Rhodey could respond.

“And I’m not sure what you expected when you met me, but I’m sure you never thought you’d have to look after my pathetic ass!

“Ton-” Rhodey tried to interrupt.

“You cannot tell me this is what you expected Rhodes!”

_“I'm bigger than my body. I'm colder than this home. I'm meaner than my demons. I'm bigger than these bones.”_

Tony was speaking faster now, like now that he started, he had to get it all out before it stopped.

“And you know I try to be what people expect of me! That’s the whole reason I write ‘You Know Who I Am’ on my nametags!”

Rhodey tried to interrupt again.

“Tony.” He warned, starting to slide out from under the car.

_“And all the kids cried out ‘Please stop, you're scaring me’. I can't help this awful energy! God damn right, you should be scared of me. Who is in control?”_

Tony kept going.

“And then people like that come around and expect me to be the playboy that doesn’t care about anything! Or someone who’s only here because I bought my way in!”

Tony’s hands were flying over the engine now. As his anxiety ramped up, he began to breathe a little faster.

“So now I’ve got Howard expecting me to be the perfect heir for SI, some people expecting me to buy my way out of everything and go out of my way to make everyone miserable, other people who are expecting me to look at them like they’re the dirt on my shoe, other people still who think I can help them with anything, some who think I’m a sob story they can take advantage of! Then there’s Ty who expects me to cater to him which would be _fine_ because that’s what normal boyfriends do but it’s _not fine_ and I don’t even _know_ what you expect of me still- FUCK!”

Tony had sliced his hand open on a sharp edge. The sharp pain was familiar to him, and it was like ice soothing a burn. He was breathing heavily and tears rolled down his face.

Rhodey grunted.

“Come here Tones.”

_“I paced around for hours on empty- I jumped at the slightest of sounds. And I couldn't stand the person inside me- I turned all the mirrors around”_

Tony buried his head into Rhodey’s shoulder, sniffling. His voice was watery when he spoke.

“I hate this.”

Rhodey didn’t speak. He just wrapped his arms around Tony and began to rock. He almost missed Tony mutter something he was sure he wasn’t supposed to hear.

“I hate myself.”

Rhodey tightened his arms but didn’t let on that he had heard.

_“I'm bigger than my body. I'm colder than this home. I'm meaner than my demons. I'm bigger than these bones.”_ _  
  
_

_“And all the kids cried out ‘Please stop, you're scaring me’. I can't help this awful energy! God damn right, you should be scared of me. Who is in control?”_

Without words, Rhodey reached for the first aid kit under the desk and began to clean and wrap Tony’s hand. Tony’s voice was quiet and childlike when he spoke, looking at his hand.

“What do you expect of me, Rhodes?”

Rhodey reached for the bandages.

“What I expect,” he began. “is for you to be who _you_ want to be. Without a care of how _anyone else_ thinks of you.”

His words were bitter as he thought of the way Steve and Bucky acted in Rizuto’s.

_“I'm well acquainted with villains that live in my head. They beg me to write them so they'll never die when I'm dead. And I've grown familiar with villains that live in my head. They beg me to write them so I'll never die when I'm dead”_

Rhodey pushed back Tony’s sleeve to finish off the wrap when he saw several half-healed lines scattered over his arm. He felt his thoughts freeze.

“Tony.” Rhodey’s voice took on a dangerous, anxious tone that he tried to cover up. “What is this?!”

He gently pushed Tony’s sleeve further up his forearm, revealing a plethora of cuts, large and small, in various states of healing, as well as several bruises and burns that weren’t there over the break.

Tony had frozen too, and his breaths began to speed up once more, less stressed and moving into panic territory. He sounded scared when he spoke.

“Rhodey-” he cut himself off, indecisive on what he could possibly say to de-escalate what Rhodey had just seen. His eyes darted around, searching for an exit.

“I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.” He repeated on autopilot. His body trembled.

_“I'm bigger than my body. I'm colder than this home. I'm meaner than my demons. I'm bigger than these bones.”_

_“And all the kids cried out ‘Please stop, you're scaring me’! I can't help this awful energy! God damn right, you should be scared of me! Who is in control?”_

Standing up, Tony darted away. Ignoring Rhodey’s calls, he fled, too deep in his panic to care. As he ran, he fished the tack out of his pocket, pressing it into the pad of his thumb again.

Rhodey dashed after Tony, quickly falling behind as the lithe boy let panic and desperation to take hold. He was like a cornered animal, and in a way, he was. Rhodey’s stomach twisted in a knot as he watched the younger boy draw ahead and fairly soon, he lost sight.

Drawing his phone out, he sent several texts off to Tony in rapid succession before resolving to wait for Tony in the dorm. He had to process the heartbreaking hurt he had just seen anyway, so he trudged back to the lab and shut it down, before shuffling back to the dorm and staring anxiously at the door.

As he had wandered the lab, cleaning up, images of the clumsy tears lining Tony’s arms shot through his head, leaving him wide-eyed and on the verge of tears. He had no idea…

How couldn’t he have known?

_“And all the kids cried out, ‘Please stop, you're scaring me’! I can't help this awful energy! God damn right, you should be scared of me! Who is in control?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs used in this chapter  
> Devils Don't FLy/Natasha Kills  
> https://youtu.be/2wajdO3LdKw  
> Money, Money, Money/ABBA  
> https://youtu.be/aaktsSampdY  
> Control/Halsey  
> https://youtu.be/so8V5dAli-Q
> 
> Jules: “I saw ‘the silence was thick’ and for some reason I thought of Bucky’s forearm.”  
> Mikah: “Can that be the name of Bucky’s arm?”
> 
> "*To the tune of Pinky and The Brain*  
> “It’s Bubky and The Lump! Bubky and The Lump! One of them’s depressed, the oth-hahahAHAHAHAHAAA”
> 
> How the fresh fUCK do pictures on archive work


	9. Crashing Emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Rhodey have a talk when some bad news concerning a car crash comes their way. Then they have to deal with a funeral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all we're seriously running low on our prestocked chapters
> 
> TW// Suicidal Thoughts. Starts from "FUCK!" and ends at "He wiped his hand off and scooted back before standing up. He checked his phone quickly to see 3 more messages from Rhodey."
> 
> TW// Car crashes and character death. That's the plot of this chapter, but it's described in a little more detail starting from "Tony was surprised to see Rhodey wasn't at the cemetery by the cemetery by the time he arrived, but he rationalized that he was probably on his way and would arrive soon." You can't miss it- it's around the excessive use of ~~~~s. It ends at "It was time to read the will already."
> 
> As usual, TW summaries will be in the bottom notes

Tony’s sight blurred as his feet slapped the pavement. He scrubbed frantically at his face, his arms crawled and tingled in phantom pain, a harsh reminder of the mess Rhodey had just seen.

So stupid! How could he have let Rhodey see all of that! Now he knew how fucked up Tony really was! He was going leave- chased away by the mess and turmoil of Tony’s life.

Tony let muscle memory take over as his mind raced. He couldn’t go back to the dorm. Rhodey would be there. Rhodey wouldn’t want Tony there after seeing what a crybaby Tony was.

He tried to control his breathing as he turned and almost ran into a door. Sparing a glance up, he realized he was at Ty’s door. Tony paused to breathe and clean up his face before knocking. Ty wouldn't like it if Tony looked like he’d been crying. 

His phone buzzed several times. Probably Rhodey telling him not to come back. He didn’t bother to check before rapping sharply on the door. If Ty looked at his phone, maybe he’d be happy that Tony wasn’t responding.

The door cracked open and a sliver of Ty’s face appeared.

“Tony? What the fuck are you doing here?”

Tony dug the tack into his hand again, small droplets of blood rolling down his palm and into his pocket. He plastered on a smile.

“Just thought I’d come to see my boyfriend?”

His intestines turned over in his stomach. Was this ok?

Ty paused for a moment. He appeared annoyed.

“I’m busy.”

The door shut.

The tears Tony had been holding back welled up again. His throat burned as they threatened to spill over when he heard a shout from inside.

“We’ll go on a date sometime next week, alright babe?”

Tony rubbed at his eyes before he started crying. Ty wasn’t looking for a response so he left. More in control of his mind this time, he made his way to the roof again. Anything to prolong facing Rhodey.

With no care for secrecy anymore, he rolled up his sleeve and brought the blade down harshly, creating a long, jagged line. Fire raced up and down his arm along the cut, stinging and burning as he sliced one, two, three more cuts into his arm. Blood ran down his arm, dripping onto the gravel below. He gripped the blade, cutting into his own fingers as he stared out off the roof.

He laughed, watery.

“Fuck.”

With trembling fingers, Tony brought his phone up. _Time to face the music_ , he thought, unlocking it and staining his screen red. There were 13 notifications from Rhodey.

**Platypus**

**Tony?**

**Tones?**

**Tones please come back to the dorm**

**Tony please I’m really worried about you**

**Can we please talk?**

**I’m not mad I could never be mad at you but I am really scared and I need to know you’re okay**

**Please just tell me you’re alright**

**Come back to our room**

**I won’t force you to talk but I’m seriously panicking here Tones- please just say something so I know you’re safe**

**Tony!**

**…**

**Tones?**

**Please be safe. Please be alright. Please don’t be hurt worse. Please**

Wait. Rhodey wasn’t mad? He didn’t think Tony was weak? Tears flooded Tony’s eyes again, blurring the letters on the screen. He broke down into sobs, hunched over his phone and his arm, which was bleeding sluggishly.  _ Fuck! _ What if he was lying? He might just want to tell Tony off in person!  _ NO! Rhodey’s not like that. He’s kind and honest.  _ But what if Tony was wrong? What if that didn’t matter? Ty loved Tony and he still hurt him. Or maybe he didn’t. Ty didn’t seem to remember it- Tony could’ve overreacted. 

He knew he was annoying and aggravating- all the more reason for Rhodey to just drop him at the curb. Rhodey should take this excuse to finally get as far away from Tony as he could. Why wasn’t he? He couldn’t  _ actually  _ love Tony like he said- no one did.

Tony was rocking back and forth on the gravel as the contradictory thoughts bounced back and forth around his brain. His phone buzzed a few times. The gravel was pressing into his leg and his arm was tingling around the cuts. His head throbbed slightly, his hair was plastered to his forehead, and a shiver ran through his body as the breeze kicked up.

_ Rhodey’s probably just humoring me. Rhodey’s nice! He loves me like family! He said so! What if he was lying? What if he did and he finally saw how weak I was? But he said he wasn’t mad! Mad doesn’t mean he’s not… disappointed. _

Tony convulsed as that word shot around his head, taking over all other thoughts.  _ Disappointed. Disappointedisappointedisappointed. Rhodey would be so… disappointed. Disappointed, DISAPPOINTED.  _

“FUCK!”

Everything came to a still. Tony could see the ledge of the roof in front of him, 3 feet away. Rhodey couldn’t be disappointed in him. Tony didn’t think he could stand that. He crawled closer to the ledge until he could dangle his legs over, braced back against his arms. The drying blood was stiff and cold and pulled at his skin. It hurt. So did the gravel jabbing at the palms of his hands and the knowledge of the bloody razor in one pocket and the stained tack in the other.

He sat up gazing past his feet to the pavement below. He let his eyes unfocus, still thinking back on the disappointment he had known Rhodey would feel. Wasn’t that the whole reason he had hidden this from him in the first place? Somehow, that thought hurt more than any cut Tony had given himself. More than the hypertrophic burn and more than salt and alcohol splashing into an open wound. Rhodey was never disappointed by anything Tony had done- the cutting was going to be the thing that pushed him over the edge. Now he’d see all of the flaws Tony had worked to keep hidden from him.

He edged forward a little more, looking out at the fiery sky against tall, silhouetted skyscrapers. Some music floated up from an open window below.

_ “ _ _ Have I done my best here, or will I be here next year, or are these my best years yet? _ _ ” _

Who would care if he just… let himself fall? There’d be nothing holding Jarvis and Ana to Howard’s abusive employment and Peggy wouldn’t have to protect Tony’s pathetic ass when Howard was drunk. Ty would be free to find someone less useless to date.

He leaned forwards a little. There’d be no expectations, no more pain. No more judgment from people who di _ dn’t know him.  _ Tony fisted his hand in the gravel, sharp rocks and dirt pressing into the unbroken skin while his other hand went to smother his own sobbing. It would be messy to do that here. Too much publicity. Too much room for error. Just another statistic. Maybe Rhodey really was just worried?  _ Disappointed. _ It would be cruel if Rhodey was worried about him. Tony couldn’t do that to him. Not yet. He’d have to find a cleaner, surer way. Tell Rhodey why.

_ “ _ _ Was looking forward to being important but I'm not important yet. _ _ ” _

He wiped his hand off and scooted back before standing up. He checked his phone quickly to see 3 more messages from Rhodey.

**Platypus**

**Tones, it’s getting late.**

**It’s almost dark out**

**Please come home?**

Tony pulled up his keyboard with trembling fingers.

**Platypus**

**I’m okay.**

With a wistful glance at the frequented ledge, Tony slipped back through the door inside. He slowly trudged back downstairs as he heard his phone buzz again.

**Platypus**

**Oh thank god**

**It’s so late please just come back and we can sleep**

**We don’t even have to talk, I won’t make you**

**I just wanna make sure you’re okay**

**Oh god I was so worried**

**Never do that to me again**

_ “ _ _ If you put this scene on a movie screen is it called a happy end? If the world gets me where I'm supposed to be will I know I've made it then? It's so hard. _ _ ” _

Tony felt emotionally drained. The ache in his throat trailed up behind his eyes and he felt he could sleep right there on the stairs. He tucked his phone away again, unable to form the effort to move his thumb around the screen in response. He slipped into the bathroom on the first floor and ran some cold water over his arm and hand, washing the blood off. No more came. Drying his hands off, he used the wet towels to wipe the stains off of his phone screen, washing the evidence away. The only sign anything had happened was the fresh cuts, sure to scar, and the lingering pink in his eyes. Quickly, Tony splashed some water on his face before cupping his hands and drinking some.

The cool liquid felt nice against his strained throat and everything felt just a little less overwhelming. He shut his eyes and breathed for a moment before gently easing his sleeve down and wiping his face. He lethargically ambled back to the dorm, focusing his thoughts on how nice a bed sounded at the moment

_ “ _ _ Can we skip to the good part? _ _ ” _

Tony stumbled a few times, eyes more closed than open. Exhaustion waved over as the long, stress-filled day finally settled. He tripped into the door, fumbling to put the key into the lock. His hand shook, only hitting the keyhole a few times, never slipping into. The door swung open anyway and Tony made a noise of alarm as he fell back. All of his weight had been against the door and he shut his eyes tightly before he found himself wrapped tightly in someone’s arms.

“Tones! Oh, thank god! I was so worried about you, thank god you’re alright I’m so sorry!”

Tony cracked his eyes open as he wrapped his arms around Rhodey on instinct.

“Rhodey,” he mumbled, squinting against the light inside the dorm.

Looking up, he could see large tear tracks down Rhodey’s face before his own face was tucked against Rhodey’s. Rhodey was squeezing him tightly and whispering nonsensically.

I don't understand what the purple means? Can you resay it ok i did is it better?

“Oh my god you’re safe you’re okay I was so scared oh my god I’m so sorry please don’t do that again I was  _ so. Scared.” _

Tony squeezed Rhodey back, too tired, too thankful that Rhodey really wasn’t mad to talk. They’d talk tomorrow, but for now, Rhodey dragged Tony into his bed and bundled his in all the blankets in the dorm before wrapping his arms around the boy again.

Tony whispered a quiet, “Thank you,” almost too small to hear before dropping off into a night of sleep, devoid of dreams, but nightmares too.

Rhodey lay awake, staring at the peaceful face next to him, still covered in tear tracks. How could someone so perfect feel so insecure as to scar his skin with cuts and burns and still want to hurt more? He couldn’t understand how this was the same boy that laughed through a mouthful of ice cream earlier today.

He fell into a fitful sleep riddled with misplaced guilt and promises to do better.

  
~~~

_ Thump-thump _

_ Thump-thump thud. _

Rhodey and Tony jerked awake at the pounding footsteps running across the hallway outside. Rhodey blinked blearily as he glanced towards the clock to his left.

_ 7:49. Great. Tony should’ve slept more. _

Grumbling, the two boys slid out of bed. Tony padded towards the kitchen to make what was hopefully not a triple-shot of espresso while Rhodey scooped up the radio remote up to turn on the news.

“ _ Tea _ , Tones. No coffee right now.”

With the day Tony had had before, all Tony could muster was a soft, playful, “Fiiiiine.”

Tony filled two mugs with water and placed them in the microwave. As the mugs span, he grabbed two teabags from a random box and two spoons out of the drawer.

Rhodey turned up the volume of the radio and flipped the channel to KRCC as the microwave beeped at Tony. Mugs in hand, Tony trudged to the couch and handed Rhodey one of them. With a soft, “Thank you,” Rhodey took a sip and closed his eyes. Both boys were silent, letting the white noise of the radio wash over them. They both listened as the updates on Hurricane Dorian washed through the room before changing subjects again. 

_ “We have some rather sad news this morning. The death of a titan. Howard and Maria Stark were found the victims to a fatal car crash this morning, along with a driver who has been identified as one Edwin Jarvis.” _

Tony froze for a moment before dropping his mug on the floor and scrambling for his phone. His hands were trembling as he pulled up his contacts and he was muttering a mantra of “no no no nonononono please god no” under his breath. Rhodey frantically flipped the radio to a different channel and quiet music started to play as Rhodey chucked the remote aside.

“Tones!”

_ “ _ _ Have I done my best here, or will I be here next year, or are these my best years yet? _ _ ” _

Rhodey reached towards Tony for a moment before changing direction and cleaning up the shards from the now broken mug. He didn’t want Tony to hurt himself even more.

Tony tried to type, making several typos and frantically trying to fix them, only to create more. His hands were shaking violently and his eyes were wide. Tony made another typo and erased it, only to make it again.

“Damnit!” He shouted and tossed his phone towards the wall, before rushing to pick it up again. 

“ _ Fuck fuck fuck _ ,” he hissed.

_ “ _ _ Was looking forward to being important but I'm not important yet. _

Rhodey came back with paper towels and tossed them haphazardly over the wet tea on the floor, focusing instead on Tony. He hugged Tony tightly, peering over his shoulder at the phone in his hands.

**JARVIS**

**Jarvis please tell me its nto true**

**Your’e ok right**

**Your’re still alive youre ok they**

**just misidnetified or omething**

**Jarvis please respond**

**Jarvis?!**

**Jarvis please!**

_ “ _ _ If you put this scene on a movie screen is it called a happy end? If the world gets me where I'm supposed to be will I know I've made it then? It's so hard _ _ ” _

_ “ _ _ Can we skip to the good part?” _

Tony’s body was trembling and tears blurred his eyesight, drops of salty water splashing on his screen. Without a second thought, Tony reached towards his pocket, towards his thumbtack, only to be met with resistance as Rhodey grabbed his hand. Tony’s body shuddered as he found himself holding back sobs once more.

Rhodey quickly spun Tony around and enveloped him in a warm hug.

“This can’t be real. This isn’t happening. They just misjudged who it was or maybe I’m stuck in a nightmare this  _ isn’t real.” _

Tony glanced up a Rhodey with watery eyes.

“This isn’t real, Rhodey. It can’t be.”

_ “ _ _ If there's a good part then I hope it's not far 'cause I thought it'd be today. _ _ ” _

Rhodey closed his eyes and began to sway, tears of his own slipping down his cheeks. Unable to stand seeing his best friend in pain like that, he spoke quietly.

“Whatever’s going on Tones, I’m here for you. For all of it. You’re not doing this alone. Not ever.

Tony’s breath hitched as his mind raced through what he had heard.

_ “ _ _ I napped on campus and I smoked at dances but it didn't feel so great. _ _ ” _

In the back of his mind, Tony realized how utterly  _ sick  _ he was of feeling like this. He was so tired, and his throat always seemed to ache from holding back tears. It hurt, and he hurt, and  _ everything hurt all the time. _

He was angry and sad and so very overwhelmed and unloved, unimportant; he didn’t have anyone important anymore. Not after Jarvis and oh god Jarvis is  _ dead  _ they said he was  _ dead  _ and Tony should be dead too because death would be better than the physical pain he felt deep in his chest and death would be better than facing his peers every day and death would be better than facing Ty again. Better than the bruises he’d get after canceling. Better than seeing Rhodey’s heartbroken face after discovering his cuts but Jarvis was dead and he  _ wasn’t. _

Why wasn’t he dead already?

_ “If you put this scene on a movie screen, is it called a happy end? If the world gets me where I'm supposed to be will I know I've made it then? It's so hard” _

_ “So can we skip to the good part?”  _

And now he had  _ responsibilities  _ and people were gonna use this against him and-

“Hey, Tones. Whatever you’re thinking, stop. You’re not alone, remember? We  _ will _ get through this, alright?  _ Together.” _

Tony’s thought’s spun fast as Rhodey continued to sway, rubbing a comforting hand up and down Rhodey’s back.

How the hell was Rhodey gonna help Tony through this?

_ “These things take time. Mom and Dad, they had a good life but what am I gonna do with mine? These things take time. Mom and Dad, they had a good life. But what the hell am I gonna do with mine?” _

“Tony, you need to calm down. Breathe with me okay.” Rhodey brought Tony's hand to his own chest, exaggerating his own breathing until Tony wasn't choking on air. 

The hum of everyday life outside filled the small dorm room, filling the silence. Tony squeezed his eyes shut, pushing his face into Rhodeys chest. All he wanted to do was block out the entire world, but Tony knew he had an entire funeral to plan, a company to lead, and to deal with the soul-sucking press.

Ten more seconds. Ten more seconds until he would face the outside world. Then he needed to get his shit together and put on a brave face for Jarvis. Taking a deep breath in he started counting.

10

9

8

7

“Do they expect you to plan the funeral?”

Tony pushed his face farther into Rhodeys chest and nodded slightly. He didn’t want to move, so he just spoke into Rhodey. 

“Who else would?”

“I will.” Tony jerked in surprise, trying to struggle out of his best friend’s arms. “Don’t you fucking dare try to say no. You just lost the only man that cared for you growing up.”

At this, Tony stilled and stopped struggling. He racked his brain for any time that he mentioned Jarvis as more of a father than his actual parents. 

“I am going to help you plan it so that whatever press you need to say can be you talking truthfully about your dad, not your scumbag sperm donor.”

Tony let out a snort of laughter. His heart swelled at the thought of the memorial being towards Jarvis, however silent it may be. 

“How do you expect to know how to deal with all that. I don't even know how to and I’ve been thrown into it my whole life.“

“Tones I'm studying Aerospace Engineering in my free time. If I can deal with avionics, I can learn how to be a kiss ass in a day or so.”

Tony let out a half sob half-laugh against Rhodey's chest. 

"Thanks, Poppyseed." Tony  murmured . 

  
  
  


The next few days were a blur of planning for Rhodey and a whirlwind of press for Tony. No matter how much Rhodey helped with the press, there were too many conferences, meetings, and lying to old white men for Rhodey to do it all. He did handle all social media though, which Tony was thankful for because not only did it slip his mind, but he didn’t need to see what people were saying online right now.

Within a week, he had s uccessfully managed to keep the company away from selfish businessmen, made several new blueprints to appease the public, and scheduled a meeting with one of Rhodey's good friends that would supposedly make a great Personal Assistant. 

Tony could feel Rhodey's worry constantly, but Tony had much more to worry about. Tony knew he was emotionally detaching from the situation, but compartmentalizing this wasn't the worst thing he could be doing. He only knew that he has shit to do, and couldn't afford to do something as stupid as to break down over a butler. 

Tony berated himself for thinking like that. Jarvis was much more than a butler to him, and he was lashing out. Sure it was internal but he couldn't do that to Jarvis' memory. 

With a start, Tony stopped working on his math homework and grabbed his phone. He needed a distraction before he started spiraling. 

Looking through his emails, he caught a glimpse of the date and time and realized that the funeral was technically today. It was a bit past midnight, and the service was at 8.

He really should sleep, considering that he was sleeping worse with stress and grief. But that was why he wasn't sleeping now. He couldn't sleep and he didn't need to sleep, He needed to get through his emails.

He had emails from his partners and important people expressing their fake sorrow and trying to exploit him. He had way too much spam, and a considerable amount of fan emails, considering this was his private email.

He got through at least 100 before Rhodey realized he was awake.

A pillow hit his face, and Tony sat up spluttering and bewildered.

“Tone,s it's time to stop and sleep. Put down your fucking phone. And get some goddamn sleep.” 

His phone vibrated with a new email, and he looked pleadingly at Rhodey but knew he couldn't check it. 

He plugged in his phone, even though it was at 92% after some battery upgrades he did, and huffed as he pulled his covers up to his ears. 

He fell into a restless sleep, twisting and turning. He had dreams of blood, darkness, and pain. Throughout the night he woke up on the verge of screaming to get away from the glass, or from a large pair of hands, or a brand. 

By 6, Tony woke up for the last time. He didn't think it would be worth the extra hour of sleep. Sweat stuck to his forehead, and his pillow was damp. He threw the case in the laundry and took his phone into the bathroom to check up on stuff while he showered.

Tony put his two in one shampoo and conditioner in his hair with his left hand, while opening his StarkMail with his right hand.

His phone was practically waterproof, but he still tried to stop himself from dropping his phone as he read the email that must have been delivered right before he went to bed.

Maria Stark left a video message to be played at her funeral.

The email went on to say that they needed someone to go early and prepare something to be set up for the end of the family.

A knock on the door sounded just as he closed the email, almost in shock. He can make out his roommate yawning and shuffling through the room, getting ready for the event.

Tony snapped out of his daze, turning off the water and drying himself off hurriedly.

He rushed out of the bathroom, barely able to run around Rhodey rather than into him. He ignores Rhodey’s obvious gaze and throws on the suit he put out last night.

“Tones talk to me,” Rhodey demands, turning Tony by the shoulders to face him. 

“I- I have to-  dobbiamo andare presto- there was a video- la mamma ha fatto un video, dobbiamo andare presto per vederlo we have to go early !” Tony starts talking to himself.

“Tony, you’re panicking. What can I do?”

"I- there was- gesù fottuto cristo- we have to go early!"

Tony shoves his phone in Rhodey's face and Rhodey flinches back slightly, reading the words on the screen. It took a moment to register before he spoke again.

"Tony- Tony it's ok. I can go take care of that, it's at the director's office. I can change there and walk to the cemetery. But I need you to take a breath and calm down first. Slow down and take your time. Everything is gonna be ok."

Tony leaned heavily into Rhodey as he let his breaths calm down to a shuddering stop. Neither boy moved until Tony let out a small, "You'd do that for me?"

Rhodey maneuvered Tony so he could look right at him.

"Tony, not only would I do that for anyone, but you're my best friend, so even if it wasn't something I'd do for anyone, I'd still do it for you without hesitation."

Tony blinked, opening his mouth to argue before closing it with an audible click. Deflating, he nodded.

"Ok… ok"

Tony began brushing his teeth again, slower this time, as Rhodey quickly threw on his suit and went out the door. The dorm's silence pressed on Tony as an uncomfortable loneliness made itself known.

He thought he'd feel more as he headed out to go to the cemetery, but he mostly felt anxious and numb. 

_ I must be a horrible person,  _ he thought bitterly,  _ to not feel any sadness on the day my parents go six feet in the ground. _

He fiddled with the thumbtack in his pocket, thinking back to Rhodey's face when he had found out. Guilt overpowered his body for a moment before he steeled his face and sank the thumbtack into his flesh again. Red eyes were covered by sunglasses, and then he was out, heading to see his parents one last time.

~~~

Rhodey sighed as he exited the building. It had been a minor issue, and one that honestly could have been taken care of before the will was read. It had taken longer than expected to deal with it, and Rhodey expected Tony was probably at the cemetery by now. He whipped his phone out to assure Tony he was on his way.

~~~

Tony was surprised to see Rhodey wasn't at the cemetery by the cemetery by the time he arrived, but he rationalized that he was probably on his way and would arrive soon.

~~~

A loud blare and a high pitched screech.

~~~

Tony was getting nervous. There were only 30 minutes before the service was supposed to start and there was no sight of his best friend. Not even a text! He wouldn't ditch Tony, would he?

~~~

Numb pain and the sprinkling of glass around him.

~~~

God Tony had probably overwhelmed Rhodey with planning the funeral. That was probably the last straw that convinced Rhodey that he wasn't worth it and god he was such a piece of shit rhodey left him and it was his fault and now he was along and Rhodey was just like everyone else and he  _ left- _

  
  


~~~

…

…

…

~~~

Someone was speaking. Tony couldn't hear them and he didn't care. All he cared about was the feeling of the ground underneath his feet and the repetitive pricks of pain in his hand. The feeling of blood rolling down his skin was comforting now and he could taste blood in his mouth.

Rhodey was very good at faking concern, Tony would give him that. He had actually thought Rhodey cared and the sharp, aching pain pa _ in pain  _ in his chest was hard to ignore. It  _ hurt- it hurt  _ and Tony supposed he deserved this for getting so close. Starks are made of iron after all, and now he was coated in it.

A small part of him wanted to admit that mourning the loss of someone he had thought was a friend wasn't selfish of him to do. The thud of a coffin in the ground quickly drew him back to reality. 

‘Oh. I missed it.’

The thought was abrupt, and Tony was almost surprised at how little it mattered. Nothing mattered.

~~~

A shrill and soft beep. The smell of chemicals. A weird numbness that wasn't enough to cover sharp pain before he faded to nothingness again.

~~~

It was time to read the will already. He wanted Rhodey. He  _ hated  _ Rhodey for not being there. He missed his friend.

He kept an ear open for his name. He wasn't paying attention to the person reading his parents last wishes. It was probably some bullshit from his dad. He got the company, although he already knew he would. His mother’s portion was apparently all in a video she requested to be played. 

He didn’t want to do this alone. 

Even so, he clenched his fist in his blazer pocket (his expensive blazer bought ages ago with his father’s money. His father bought, his his father who knew he was worthless, who was right about everything, no one cares Rhodey doesn’t care Rhodey left Rhodey knows Rhodey is gone where is Rhodey-)

“Hello Antonio.”

Tony eyes snap to the large TV that was set up as his mind wandered. 

His mother was in her bedroom, sitting at her vanity. Her hair was down in its natural waves, and her face was clear of makeup. Tony’s eyes went to the wrinkles on the side of her eyes. A sudden memory surfaced, from when he was little.

~~~

“Hello Antonio.” 

“Sorry Momm- Mother. I mixed up your room with Fathers.”

His mother crouched down, getting to the same height as the 5 year old.

“My my. He wants to see you so early in the morning?” Her eyebrows rose, and a smile graced her lips.

“Yes Mo- Mother.” Tony hesitated, before deciding that only Father said to not ask stupid questions. “Mother, what are those.”

Tony gestured to his own eyes while looking at his moms. She looked confused, putting her own hand up to her face. 

“My eyes? I don't have any makeup on so they might look a bit different my Antonio.”

“Not that. On the side of your eyes you have lines.” 

Tony didn’t know about something as trivial as wrinkles. He didn’t know they were a sign of ageing. He didn’t know it was rude to point them out. 

“Antonio…” Maria started, before Tony barged on. 

“They look like butterfly wings Momma!” 

Tony remembers looking at his Mothers face, and seeing something he couldn't place. He didn't think too much about it as his Momma let out a full body laugh, bringing him to her in a tight hug.”

“Oh Antonio. Never change.”

~~~

“I hope you are doing well my son.” The video message plays on, unable to let Tony get a hold on the tears finally threatening to take over. 

“You left for boarding school today. There have been many versions of this video, but you should have something of me. I fear that your father has gone too far recently.”

Maria seems to mentally shake herself before continuing.

_ “Shadows settle on this place that you left. Our minds are troubled by the emptiness. Destroy the middle, it's a waste of time. From the perfect start to the finish line.” _

Tony doesn't understand what his mother is saying. On a good day it was hard to see what she meant under the cryptic way she seemed to communicate. Tony is glad it's a video message. He can see her and take this home later to understand it.

_ “And if you’re still breathing you’re the lucky ones, cause most of us are breathing through corrupted lungs. Setting fire to our insides for fun. Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong.” _ Maria gives a small smile to the device, and it shoots through Tony's heart in a familiar way.  _ “The lovers that went wrong.” _

_ “We are the reckless, we are the wild youth. Chasing visions of our futures. One day we'll reveal the truth. That one will die before he gets there.” _

Maria focuses back on the camera, and Tony's mind wonders when she started looking to where he knew there was a window. Was she looking at something? Was she thinking of something, or someone? What does she want Tony to get from this?

_ “And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones.” _ Tony's hand jerks out of his jacket. He feels like he was caught, like how Rhodey found out. It makes no sense, as she's just a video. It's just a recording from the past.  _ “Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone. We're setting fire to our insides for fun. Collecting pictures from the flood that wrecked our home. It was a flood that wrecked-”  _

Maria cuts herself off abruptly, her head shooting to the side. There's a moment of silence after the build up in her words. Tony can't help but feel like it reflects how her life ended.

“I’m sorry for any wrong I did to you when you were younger, my Antonio.” The change in topic was startling, along with the brunt way she said it. This was not the same ambiguous sentences as before.

Tony opened his mouth to let her know she did nothing wrong to him. The words never left his mouth. She wouldn't be able to hear it anyway. 

“Your father is a smart man. He is interesting, and unlike anyone else on the planet. He has this aura that drew me to him. I agreed to marry him for that same reason. You know of my background, and this was a way to prove that I was more than my family. In doing that, I know I hurt you.”

“You now have everything I own, my sweet boy. Do what you wish with it, but be sure you do it with your full heart. Your heart will make you a better man than your father ever was, and I can’t wait for the great things I know you can do.”

Maria Stark holds her hand up to the camera flat. She lowers her middle and ring finger, her pinky shifting in effort to stay upright along with her pointer. 

Tony makes the same hand motion, the sign language she taught never leaving him just as much as the Italian did.

_ ‘I love you’ _

The video shuts off, and the man who read the will presses two flash drives into his hand. Its stark tech, the familiar symbol in silver almost taunting him. The man who he thinks is a minister tells him they’re the same video in two copies, and he can get another if he ever needs it. 

His mothers words seem to swirl around his head. He was always better at visualising, and even though the words were absure and mystifying, he feels ready to try and take them apart. He can take apart math equations with ease, and it's better to focus on then…

Tony steps out of the church. It’s where he knew his parents got married, and where his father requested they be put to rest. Not in the church itself of course, but in the cemetery a bit away that's connected. 

There are many people here that he hadn’t even noticed, Tony realises with a start. He recognises many of his fathers associates, along with some of the hired help from the mansion he was brought up in. He’s the one in charge of them now. He needs to find someone to do the job Jarvis was, and make sure that they all wanted to stay even if he was in the boarding school. 

There's no obvious sign of reporters, but he is sure that as soon as he’s outside he’ll be bombarded. He’s the new company head for Stark Industries now. He doesn't even have a high school diploma. 

He walks to Anne, someone who he only knew because of Jarvis, asking her to get a car to the front. He tries to make eye contact, pushing past the fear that he got her name right. She gives a small smile accompanied by a nod, and pats his shoulder as she walks out to do so. 

He sees everyone in the church gearing up to talk with him, and he makes idle conversation with the old woman Anne was sitting next to in order to stall the inevitable. He doesn’t want to put on a mourning face as they talk only about… Howard. They probably don't even know that Jarvis died as well. They only want to be in his good graces, and if they offer sympathy first they might get it. 

Or at least that's what they think. Tony knows that as soon as he actually gets the time to start it as a job, they will be the first to leave. They’re at their job for fame and money only, and he can offer even more money to get them out, hopefully.

He sees two of them start to walk over, so he wraps up whatever he was saying to the woman. Not that he could tell you what he said, his focus on other things. He can hear their footsteps on the wooden floor, only interrupted by the front door opening. Tony looks to it, expecting a reporter to have made their way in.

Tony feels like bursting with relief when he sees that it’s Anne. She managed to get a car ready for him just in time. He dips his head at the woman he conversed with, turning away. He doesn't know why exactly he does it, but he leaves after she does it in return. Going along one edge of the aisles, Tony knows he’ll be able to make it out without any fake condolences for someone that Tony himself hates. 

He gives Anne a far too real smile, showing some relief and hopefully none of the pain. He puts his sunglasses on just in case. Anne goes back into the church, possibly because of the woman Tony used as a delay for his associates. He makes a mental note to at least figure out who she is and try to remember what they talked about. 

The car is in the church parking lot, available only to people in the church. Tony doesn't even have to talk to paparazzi. He doesn't have to acknowledge them, as he should be grieving now. He knocks one on the tinted window, hearing the lock click open. Inside is a rather young man in a plain suit, who quickly asks where he wants to go.

“What’s your name?” Tony asks, liking the man already. 

“Hogan. Harold Hogan.” The man says. He seems surprised, and even more so when Tony asks him to be his personal chauffeur. 

“No more of that James Bond crap you pulled though. Bond. James Bond.” Tony mocks. If this man is up for the job he needs to be able to deal with Tony’s shit. “I'll pay you triple whatever you get now.” To make up for Tony’s shit.

“For that, I'll do whatever you need me to.” The man says, and Tony decides to take it a step further. 

“Well I’m gonna call you Happy.”

Because Tony wasn't happy.

He falls silent for a moment, debating where he was gonna tell Happy to drive. His first thought was back to the dorm, but he didn’t want to force Rhodey to be around him, no matter how much he wanted the other boy’s embrace. Tony chewed his lip for a moment before deciding.

“How fast can you get me to Viastone?”

“The main part of Stone Inc?”

“Yep. There's a certain person I want to speak to.”

“15 minutes I’d say.”

“Make it 10?”

Tony ignored the anxiety rolling in his stomach as he made the decision. Boyfriends were supposed to comfort you when you felt bad, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs used in this chapter  
> The Good Part/AJR  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Il5Lk3vyhlg  
> Youth/Daughter  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYC29lbq8SY
> 
> Mikah: We had so much arguing over how to FORMAT this chapter. Italics, boldings, and page breaks were all discussed..   
> Jules: We could NOT agree on what should and shoudn't be italicized, if we should have any bolding, how to make it easiest to read. It was not fun.
> 
> "Hello (ENTER MARIA'S NICKNAME FOR TONY HERE WTF WAS IT)."
> 
> Mikah "Lol you can see that I named it 'the mulp' because i messed up the spelling of the lemp  
> Mikah: "..."  
> Jules: "i-"  
> Jules: "that was tragic"
> 
> TW SUMMARY
> 
> Tony contemplates jumping off the roof before deciding he couldn't do that to Rhodey
> 
> Rhodey gets hit by a car while walking to the funeral. Because of that, he can't show up.


	10. Shattered Ties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony gets raped and informed that Rhodey is in the hospital before having like 3 panic attacks in a row. Bucky and Steve show up to coax him out of it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok folks we are officially out of pre-written chapters. You might not get another chapter next week, depending on how fast we write, but rest assured, we *are* writing it.
> 
> TW// RAPE, PANIC ATTACKS.   
> To skip the rape, scroll until you see "Need Rhodey need Rhodey fuck."  
> The rest of the chapter is basically one long panic attack. As always, summaries will be in the bottom notes
> 
> I am so sorry y'all. This one hurts. This chapter has been dubbed Oof Oof. The Oof of the storm. The Ooooof. But fear not? It's mostly uphill from here

“Was your roommate there?” Ty questioned with clear distaste in his voice. He led Tony into the kitchen from the doorway, getting a glass of something for himself. Tea maybe? 

“Rhod- uh. Rhodes didn't make it.” Tony said. He thinks he hid his disappointment well, and even covered up the nickname he knew his boyfriend hated. 

“You call him Rhodes now? Why not his name?” 

Apparently not good enough. 

“Dunno. Anyways what have you been up to since we last spoke.” Smooth change of topic. 

“Since you barged into my room you mean?” Ty put the container of whatever he got to drink back in the fridge, taking a drink as he pushed Tony to a couch. “School mainly. In order to take the company over, my dad says I have to actually be qualified. He made it clear that he wouldn’t just hand over a multibillion dollar company just because he doesn’t want it anymore.”

Tony winced at the pointed look Ty threw his way. Ty himself sat on the rather large couch, right next to an end table where he put his drink. He took a remote out of the drawer, and sighed when he saw Tony hovering.

“God just sit down. This was supposed to be my day off you know. Why do I even bother.”

Tony jumped to sit on the couch next to Ty, not quite touching and his feet placed firmly on the ground as to not get his shoes on the fabric.Tony worked himself up for the question he wanted to ask before just blurting it out. 

“Why do you then?”

Ty focused on the TV channels, pressing buttons swiftly before answering. 

“Why do I what?” it was sharp, almost poisonous. 

“Why do you bother?” Tony swallowed, only bringing air down his throat. “With me I mean.”

“What’s up with you today?” Ty sounds both surprised and tired at the same time, sparing Tony a glance away from the TV he still hadn’t decided on. 

“I mean, it was my parents funeral. Rhodey- Rhodes didn’t bother to show up. I was wondering why you still did.”

“So you look to me for comfort?” Ty was definitely unimpressed at this. He put the remote down on the end table without choosing a channel. He rolls his head back, staring at the ceilings and decidedly not Tony. 

_ “I stand here waiting for you to bang the gong. To crash the critic saying, "Is it right or is it wrong?". If only fame had an I.V, baby could I bear being away from you? I found the vein, put it here.” _

“So…” Tony urged Ty on to continue, only to get a glare snapped at him and a sigh. 

Ty lazy puts his arms behind his head for support, his button up shirt wrinkling at the shoulders. His forearms bracket his head, and his legs are splayed onto the floor. The perfect picture of relaxed man. His face isn’t upset anymore, but somehow still predatory. 

_ “I live for the applause.” _

_ “Applause?” _ Tony questions, unsure of what that means. 

_ “Applause.”  _ Tys arm reaches out, grabbing the wrist that's farthest away from him and tugging. Tony flails for a moment, his balance just gone from that. He regroups from that, and finds that he’s straddling Ty’s leg.

_ “I live for the applause. The way that you cheer and scream for me.” _

Ty reaches to the end table with the hand that isn’t encircling Tony’s wrist. Tony is frozen as Ty casually  flicks through the channels . Tony doesn't know what to do, but soon he can hear what Ty chose. Tony whips around at the sound of moans, and feels a daunting horror when he sees what Ty put on. 

“Ty I don’t want to-”

Ty slams the remote down onto the end table, and Tony focuses on how it didn't break rather than the knotted fear in his stomach that seems to be unraveling. 

_ “Give me the thing that I love. I’ll turn the lights out. Put your hands up; make ‘em touch.” _

“Ty, please!”

Tony’s breath starts to get laboured as he struggles to get away from Ty. He doesn’t want this he does _ n’t want this he doesn’t want this get away get away stop no! _

“You know Tony,” Ty grasps Tony’s face and forces him to look at the TV. “You’ve been rather distant lately. I’ve been feeling neglected.”

Tony is flipped so he’s laying on the couch, Ty above him and Tony has never been more afraid in his life.

“My parents  _ died  _ Ty!” Tony’s voice is strangled. It sounds loud and far away. He kicks up at Ty but his legs are trapped.

“And now you come to me, looking for comfort, but don’t offer me any for how long you  _ ignored  _ me?”

Tony desperately claws at Ty’s hands, trying to keep them away from his shirt.

“You chose to take your time, and I’m choosing to take what I want too.”

With that, Ty rips Tony’s shirt off. Tony’s suddenly all too aware of how cold the air is. How burning hot Ty is above him. The feeling of ripped fabric and rough couch beneath his back. Blood is rushing through his ears and faintly, he can hear Ty’s next sentence before fist hits him in the face.

“Fair trade, right?”

3 more punches hit and Tony is dizzy. He can’t see, desperately wriggling and kicking and bucking to try and get Ty off of him.

He can feel his pants roughly being ripped off of him and a harsh hand between his legs.

“Ty, NO!”

He can’t breathe.

He can’t fucking  _ breathe. _

His face is wet and Ty won’t  _ fucking  _ budge.

Tony’s chest is tight and it burns and there are bruises from Ty’s grip on his hands earlier.

Tony blindly kicks and claws and  _ pain. Pain pain pain _ and he can’t  _ breathe  _ and he thinks he’s screaming but there’s only ringing in his ears and his eyes are squeezed just and there’s  _ pain pain _ in and out and a bruising grip on his hips and a sharp cry from the TV and a stinging on his face and it  _ hurts _ .

Now it’s wet and Tony thinks for a millisecond that it might be blood before Ty pulls out, slapping Tony once more before casually walking to the fridge like nothing happened.

Tony scrambles for his clothes before bolting it out of the office at record speeds. He’s running blindly, fumbling with his phone with trembling hands. And tripping over his own feet. There are tears streaming down his face and his breath is getting caught in his throat. He runs into a wall and tries to open his contact list, gasping and heaving for air.

_ Need Rhodey need Rhodey fuck. _

Without thinking twice, he hits call on Rhodey’s contact and listens to the phone ring, barely audible over his harsh sobs.

And it rang.

And rang.

The phone clicked as it hung up and Tony felt a tearing deep in his chest. His throat felt strained and the phone buzzed a moment later.

It was a text. From Rhodey.

Tony’s throat seized and he threw the phone across the alley. He didn’t want to hear from Rhodey. He curled up into a ball and desperately tried to breath through his tears. He held the thumbtack in his hand, a comforting point against his palm. He hurt everywhere and it stung and he was raped- Ty had just  _ raped  _ him and Rhodey was gone and his parents were dead and he was all alone and  _ fuck! _

Tony let out a harsh sob.

The feeling of the ripped shirt pressing against him, of Ty’s cold, uncaring eyes played through his head on loop. He couldn’t feel the cold pavement beneath him anymore, shuddering from the chaotic amalgamation of every time Ty had hurt him, coming to a peak with the rough hands and piercing pain that he could still feel. He could hear Ty’s music, and smell his apartment.

_ I created a monster, a hell within my head. _

The feeling of being thrown on the pavement. Of overwhelming guilt.

_ With nowhere to go, I'm out on my own. Oh, I'm so scared _

God, he couldn’t do  _ anything  _ right. And now he was all alone because of it.

_ I  _ __ _ created a monster, a beast inside my brain. _

Tony started tugging at his hair; short, sharp breaths still making his chest tight. The feeling of pavement scraped against his face. He didn’t know where his thumbtack went.

_ With nowhere to go, I'm not on my own. My mind impaired. _

Punctuated by slaps and shouting in his head, he decided to focus on breathing.

_ Awake me from my nightmare! _

He uncurls slightly, clutching his chest as he focuses on lengthening his breaths.

_ Wait, something doesn't feel right. No, something seems wrong. _

He gets his breathing to a shuddering stop, and he has to force himself to breath in and out. Distantly, he hears his phone buzz again.

_ And I've been feeling this way for far too long. _

Tony lies motionless. His tears almost seem like an afterthought as they roll down his face and he’s once again aware of the pavement beneath him.

_ As my vision gets blurred, my skin's getting colder. Appearing young, while I'm growing older. _

Slowly, he reaches out to grab his phone, squinting as the bright screen came into view.

There were 3 texts. One was from Ty and Tony flinched before quickly muting the chat. The other two were from Rhodey. Tony hesitated before opening the chat.

**Platypus <3🐻🍯**

**Antonio is that you? This is Mama Rhodes.**

**James got hit by a car earlier today.**

**He’s still unconscious but we’re at the**

**hospital now. You just let me know if**

**anyone gives you trouble trying to visit.**

**(xxx-) xxx-xxxx**

_ I collapse to the floor and scream "Can anybody save me from myself!?" _

Oh god, Tony was such an  _ asshole.  _ Here he was assuming Rhodey had abandoned him when Rhodey had gotten hit by a  _ car.  _ Rhodey had been hit by a  _ car  _ and was now in the  _ hospital _ and here Tony was, lying on the floor in an alleyway. Tony was such a piece of shit he, he really was a terrible person.

Tears welled up in his eyes again and his throat felt tight once more. He covered his mouth with his hand as he shuddered before breaking into tears once more.

Today  _ sucked. _

_ ~~~ _

Usually, the sound of Steve working calmed Bucky down. The mechanics shop was usually loud with robots straining at holding a car safely above the workers heads. Customers talking was soft and blended into the background, and if any happened to need Steve while Bucky was next to his toolbox, they all easily ignored him. 

Steve was only an apprentice, but Bucky swears that he knows more about bikes than the old man that gets paid double for Steve doing all the work. Steve has needed to calm him down multiple times, gently reminding Bucky that Steve is on thin ice as it is to just keep Bucky around.

Which in turn leads to Bucky feeling guilty for being there.

Okay so maybe the sound of Steve working grates on his nerves in a reminder that he is useless without Steve. He won't admit it to anyone but his own head, not wanting Steve to feel the same way. And sure, it was probably not a good thing to panic so much when he wasn’t with Steve, but he's at least man enough to tell himself that his trauma excuses it.

Anyway the point is, Bucky is sitting on the windowsill like usual, and he feels immensely guilty. Or guilty by association at least. He knows how overprotective Steve gets, and he's certain that he just took out his… feelings on Stark at the ice cream shop. 

I mean, they were the ones who got pissy at a guy who literally just bumped into them. They were the ones acting like dickheads just because of who it was that was just not paying perfect attention to his surroundings. 

They were just as bad as Stark. Or at least, who they thought Stark was. Tony. Whatever. Rhodes talked to them a week or so later about what had happened. 

There wasn't any malice or even disappointment in Rhodey for what they could tell. At the time Bucky thought they were completely in the right for everything they did, but now Bucky kinda wishes there was something more Rhodes did then say that ‘tones’ wasn't like that and they acted too quickly.

Steve and Bucky almost immediately dropped it, and Bucky was sure that Steve hadnt thought about it again. But Bucky knew how Steve could be, and they most definitely blew up over nothing.

So with every worried glance Steve sent his way, Bucky worked himself up to how he was going to bring it up. Or rather, when. He knew it didn't matter how he said it, Steve would understand. 

But if he did it at work it might give Steve a strike. Steve's dinner break wouldn't work because the man needed to eat. After work Steve would be too tired, and in the morning they had school on monday. After school they had homework. 

Bucky shakes his head, knowing he's just trying to put it off. No one likes to admit when they're wrong. He resolves to do it by Wednesday at the latest, but to just try to bring it up in conversation normally until then. 

Bucky gives a little hop to get off his windowsill, grabbing Steve's phone from where it was charging. Bucky's own phone was… somewhere, but Steve was stuck on a Soda Crush level and Bucky wanted a go. 

Steve himself was kneeled in front of a Suzuki, messing with the wheel. Bucky tapped his head in acknowledgement as he passed before watching in amusement as Steve slowly looked up at where Bucky's hand was, and slowly followed his path to where he was currently. Bucky gives Steve's phone a wave, putting in the password at Steve's single nod. 

A text from Rhodes caught Bucky's eye on the notification bar, and he only feels slightly guilty when he opens up the app to read it.

**James Rhodes**

**Hey Stevie. This is Mama Rhodes. James**

**is in the hospital from a car crash.**

**He's open to visitors if you want to see**

**him. He’s still unconscious so there’s no**

**rush My number is (xxx-) xxx-xxxx if**

**you want to talk.**

“Steve.” Bucky knows he got his point across with just that word when Steve literally drops what he's doing and rushes over. For a brief moment, a smile threatens to take over Bucky's face as he compares Steve to a frantic mother. 

Bucky shows Steve his own phone and Steve steadys it with his own hand, squinting at the text. Bucky can see how Steve reads the last text first, before going to the first one, and again a smile threatens to take over before he sobers up. 

“Oh.” Steve processes. “Oh  _ shit _ .”

Bucky grimaces as realization floods Steve's face, combined with fear. The last time Steve was called into the hospital was when Bucky…

“Fuck.” Steve spits out, his hands shaking as he takes off his protective gloves. “I think I have some PTO for the rest of tonight.”

Bucky nods before grabbing both Steve's hands, bringing Steve's eyes to his own. The shaking doesn't stop, but blue eyes seem to focus more, and his breathing evens out of its gulping. 

“Go say that your mom is in the hospital. It's technically true. Mama Rhodes just isn't the one who’s admitted.” Bucky advises. It's a testament of how panicked Steve was when he only hesitates slightly before walking shakily to an office. 

Bucky pickles up the things Steve dropped, putting them in the toolbox haphazardly while packing up their stuff. He pulls Steve's charger from the socket by the wire in a way that Steve would cringe at if he was here, and throws everything they brought into the blue backpack near his window. 

He doesn't bother putting it on his back, holding it by a strap as he meets Steve at the door he walked into. Steve gives a nod, before leading bucky to the alleyway Steve parks his beat up honda in. Steve shoves the metal door open with his arm, putting his weight against the heavy door, and wedging his foot in the way for Bucky to step through. 

Steve has to lock up this door every time it opens, so Bucky takes the time to head to the silver car. He throws the bag in the trunk quickly. With his hand on the top of the trunk, he's about to slam it down when something makes him stop. 

He listens to the echoes of the alleyway, and hears Steve struggling with the lock as well as the clanking of the keys. His own breathing seems to bounce off the walls, before he realises that it isn't his own breathing.

Someone else is there. 

His eyes lock onto the entrance and a hunched over form that he immediately recognises. 

Bucky takes his hand off the trunk, his body turning to face the panicking man. He can tell that Steve is walking up, but he only gives the blonde a glance as he stalks to Tony Stark. 

“Hey…” Bucky draws out the vowel, covering up Steve's grunt as he realises who it is. Tony doesn't even seem to notice the two of them, which prompts Bucky to give a worried look at Steve. Bucky doesn't know how to deal with this. 

Steve's face is stoney, not giving away much, but he gives a sigh at Bucky's arm flailing in Tony's direction. Steve gives Bucky a look that Bucky sends right back and Steve ends up kneeling in the gravel in front of a shaking Stark. 

He's curled up, his head down and knees up protecting his chest. Steve’s gaze hardens at the bruises on Stark’s arm peeking out of the black button up. The formal wear reminds Steve of where Tony just was, and he allows himself to feel some pity for the man who just lost his parents to a car crash only for his roommate to get in one on the day of their funeral. 

Steve idly notices that Stark isn't wearing a tie or his jacket, before trying to bring the guy back to the present. 

“Stark-”

“Tony.” Bucky interrupts. Steve nods at the reminder of what James had said weeks prior, and continues. This feels just like what he did for Bucky when this first started, thrown into the deep end. He has more information and tricks now. 

“Tony, can you hear me right now?” Tony’s breathing doesn't falter, coming in gulping gasps, and Steve needs to get him breathing normally. If this has been going on for long enough Tony would pass out. 

“Tony can you even your breath out?” Steve gives some exaggerated breaths, but Tony obviously can't hear them. Steve doesn't want to touch him, not only in general but also because of the defensive way Tony is curled up. 

“Steve.” Bucky stresses. The brunet is obviously worried for some reason. “What can we do?”

“St- he’s not here right now.” Steve hedges, not wanting to give pity to the guy who almost sent Bucky into this same state. “I don't think it's good to touch him but he's going to pass out from lack of oxygen.” 

Steve reached his hand out slowly, hoping that Tony could see his predictable movements. He doesn't make it to touching Tony’s knee like he planned, with Bucky pushing his arm down and sitting next to where Steve is kneeled. 

“Let's try to bring him out of it then.” Bucky starts. Idly, Steve wonders if he would be able to leave the two here and book it to the hospital before slamming that idea down mentally. 

“ _ Some days _ ,” Steve jerks to face Bucky, who looks both nervous and determined. “ _ Things just take- _ ”

“Bucky?”

“ _ \- way too much of my energy. I look up and the whole room is spinning _ .” Bucky finishes. He’s giving a distraction. Steve nods to show he understands, and shuffles over to give Bucky room to be in front. Bucky shoots him a thankful look, still staring at Steve as he continues. 

“ _ You take my cares away. I can so over-complicate; people tell me to medicate. _ ” Bucky gets a far away look in his eyes that Steve recognises. “ _ Feel my blood running. Swear the sky’s falling. How do I know if this shits fabricated _ ?”

Steve focuses on Tony as Bucky sings on. When Bucky swore, Tony gave a jump, which may have been a coincidence, but could also be a sign that Tony is at least subconsciously aware. 

“ _ Time goes by and I can't control my mind. Don't know what else to try, but you tell me every time _ .” Bucky shoots his arm out to nudge Steve, and this time Steve can see Tony’s eyes focused on the movement, although in fear. 

“ _Just keep_ _breathin'_ _and_ _breathin'_ _and_ _breathin'_ _and_ _breathin’_ _._ ” Steve repeats, faking taking each breath in rhythm with his words.   
  
“ _I know I gotta keep-_ ” _Bucky joins in. “Keep on_ _breathin’_. _Just keep_ _breathin'_ _and_ _breathin'_ _and_ _breathin'_ _and_ _breathin'_ _I know I gotta keep-_ ” Tony’s chest shudders with the effort, but he seems to be keeping along.

_ “Keep on  _ _ breathin' _ .” Steve finishes. “ _ Sometimes it's hard to find… Find my way up into the clouds. tune it out, they can be so loud. _ ”

Steve goes back to the hospital. Where he was told that Bucky wasn't going to make it. Where he thought he was too late to tell the most important person in his life that he loved him. He wasn’t there, and it was a miracle Bucky is alive, even though he isn't completely whole. 

Bucky snaps him out of it.

“ _ You remind me of a time when things weren't so complicated. All I need is to see your face. _ ”

Steve takes his own shaking breath, trying to push down his urge to get in the car and go to James. To Rhodes. To make sure he isn't too late again. He needs to focus on Bucky right now, and Bucky wants to make sure Tony is okay. Which he is, wonderfully.

“ _ Feel my blood runnin'. Swear the sky's fallin'. How do I know if this shit's fabricated?”  _

Tony’s breathing is fast, too fast still, but Steve doesnt see any desperate gasping anymore. 

“ _Time goes by and I can't control my mind. Don't know what else to try, but you tell me every time._ ” Bucky prompts _._

“ _ Just keep  _ _ breathin'  _ _ and  _ _ breathin'  _ _ and  _ _ breathin'  _ _ and  _ _ breathin' _ _. I know I gotta keep- I keep on  _ _ breathin' _ _. Just keep  _ _ breathin'  _ _ and  _ _ breathin'  _ _ and  _ _ breathin'  _ _ and  _ _ breathin' _ _. I know I gotta keep- I keep on  _ _ breathin' _ _. _ ”

Tony is definitely aware, if his shaking and wary eyes are anything to go by. He gives a sharp cough that makes something shake in his throat and the outsiders wince. 

“ _ My air. _ ” Tony says horsley, acknowledging them finally. At this, his eyes fill with tears again, and his breathing picks up along with the shivers. 

“Hey hey hey.” Bucky chided, glancing at Steve almost for direction.

“You were doing a great job. Keep that breathing steady.” Steve forces out, shooting his own glaces at the car that's so close. 

“Are you going to Rhodey?” Tony questions, something desperate in his voice. 

“Do you want a ride there?” Steve jumps at the chance. He may not like Tony, but he needs to get there quickly. His eyes don't catch the fear that washes over Tony's face before stone faced determination. 

After a nod, Tony starts standing up on his own, using the wall for support. His shirt is buttoned wrong, and his slacks are a mess. They’re torn and dirty and Steve doesn't see Tony Stark in the weak man in front of him. 

He hobbles to the car, careful to not touch either of them, and he slides in the back seat on the passenger side without another word. Steve finds this weird, but doesnt pay it too much mind. He needs to get to Rhodes. 

He’s the next to hop in the car, adjusting mirrors as Bucky gets in as well. The side mirrors in check, but the back mirror seems blocked? Turning behind him, he sees that the trunk was never closed, and he rushes out to close it safely. 

He slams it with less force than usual, aware of the newcomer in the car, before rushing to step back in. He barely remembers to wear his seatbelt as he backs out of the damn alleyway and speeds to the only hospital Rhodes could be at. 

For him, the drive is quiet, his own thoughts drowning out any talk that may be happening. He assumes that Bucky is rambling, knowing his hesitation with hospitals and how much he was worried about Stark. 

Steve can't really bring himself to care, no matter how much he knows he should. He knows he needs to care for Bucky. He knows that Bucky hates hospitals. He knows he should think a bit more about whatever just went on with Tony. But he could be too late already, and he won't do it again. 

In what seems like both seconds and hours, Steve pulls into the familiar visitor's parking lot, running out of the car without even bothering to lock it. No one would want that shit car anyway. 

He slows enough to keep Bucky in his sight as he speeds ahead, hoping that the two he drove would catch up by the time he has the information he needs on where Rhodes is. It's efficient. 

It's not as efficient as he would like however. The two of them get there as Steve stands to the side of the help desk, waiting for the room number. He offers information to them, saying that they need permission from family members before being allowed to come in and that Steve gave their names. 

Distantly, he sees his own panic relefected on the other two faces. Distantly he recognises that Tony just had a panic attack and that he really shouldn't have brought Bucky here. Maybe he can get Bucky out when Rhodey is stable instead of the whole time. He hates hospitals. 

A different receptionist- nurse? walks up to them, giving the room number and section. Not in urgent care, and on the 3rd floor indicated by the room number being in the 300’s.

He has enough of his brain left to lead his- the group to a stairwell rather than an elevator, not wanting anyone to panic more. He takes them two at a time, waiting at the platform of each level for the other two to catch up in between their speaking. 

Eventually they get to the third floor, and Steve’s ears seem to ring, blocking out whatever Bucky is saying. Or Tony. He makes it to a door that has the same number he was told, ignoring the clipboard underneath. 

He doesn't care to knock, but is at least quiet as he opens the door. It takes effort to do so. He's glad he wasted that effort when he sees Mama Rhodes sitting quietly with a sleeping Jeanette and Papa Rhodes on either side. 

She waves them in however, smiling slightly when all three of them enter. Steve looks at the two hesitant boys he brought in, deciding to take the bench to the side of where Rhodes is. 

He… doesn't look  _ bad _ . There's no blood or visible things wrong. Lots of bandages on his head, and a sling on both shoulders. The rest is probably covered up by the gown. 

Steve snaps out of his personal assessment when Mama Rhodes calls his name. 

It must have been a bit, as now Papa Rhodes is awake and Mama Rhodes has a hand on both Tony and Bucky who are clearly doing just as bad as Steve was. 

“Stevie, I’m taking you guys to our house. James is stable, and you all look like you need to take a break.” Her voice is kind and soothing, but her words send a spike of fear in him. He straightens sharply, shoulders tensing as he lets out a ‘no’ automatically. Then he winces at his tongue and tries to say it better. 

“Do you need to be here?” Mama Rhodes asks kindly, eyes almost knowing as Steve gives a sharp but hesitant nod. Steve stares at Bucky, who is clearly holding back tears and trembles. How could he do this to Bucky?

“You have our number, but I’ll take care of Tony and Bucky okay?” Mama Rhodes says, drawing his attention to her. “I promise everything will be okay.” She comforts him. It's not her job to. 

“Thank you.” Steve croaks out, reminiscent of Tonys first words after his panic attack. He relaxes, the part of his brain that worries for Bucky quiets. He knows he can't do everything, no matter how much he wants to.

Mama Rhodes leads them out of the room, bucky clutching onto her jacket in his right hand. Steve however, focuses on Tony. 

Tony’s eyes are red as they stare at Rhodey, and they move up to meet Steve right before Tony turns out of the room. 

Steve sees Bucky in Tony’s eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs used in this chapter  
> Applause/Lady Gaga  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bHhpufKRjs  
> Horrible Kids/Set It Off  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHSlHQ8zKOw  
> Breathin'/Ariana Grande  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikWnhLSx9ec
> 
> TW SUMMARY
> 
> Ty rapes Tony because he "feels neglected because Tony was focused on the funeral. Tony freaks and runs.
> 
> Tony panics over the rape, sees that Rhodey's in the hospital, panics because he misjudged his friend, and gets found by Steve and Bucky. They calm him down and go to the hospital.


End file.
